Dear World,
I'm not the straightest person in the world.
Yet, that's not my big show stopping extravaganza here.
Being gay or straight or whatever in between is not the most significant thing in my life. If anything, the people around me either don't know or don't care. It's fine.
My problem is lotus eaters. People who only focus on luxury and bliss and ignore the depth of life. Everyone around me is a stupid lotus eater.
Here's my ground breaking reveal :
I hate lotus eaters. They make me furious.
In other words, I want to be a lotus eater. I'm quite the opposite of one.
I focus on the practical meaning of life (if there even is one). I live on lacking self identity , being neck deep in anxiety and self hatred. Drowning in loneliness.
I'm not alone in the physical sense, I have a lot of people around me.
I want them to go away.
I hate loneliness but I'm begging to be alone.
I live my days with weights on my shoulders. My mother scolding me to stand up straight, to be a freaking lady. So I slouch like a ' man '.
I don't wanna be a stuck up princess, or a dress up doll. I don't want stupid dresses or pantyhose that gives me itchy red marks. I don't want to wear heels and feel my ankles snap with every step. I should have a choice.
I wanna be free with the wind. Not a caged bird. I don't wanna care about what people think about me. And I will not make myself into anyone else to please a robot of stereotyping and society.
I don't want to care about anything other than pure happiness....
Okay, I don't want to be completely oblivious to my world and it's problems. I just don't want them to control me like a puppet.
I'm not the cutest girl out there. I'm not the most positive. I get suicidal tendencies and I have a raging temper.
I like worn out sneakers, bed heads, aged clothing and 80s aesthetics. I love indie rock music and can't dance to save my life. I am detached from humanity in a weird but awesome way. I'm different and that's cool.
I'm not the stereotypical African American. I hate rap music, watermelons are gross and I'd rather not eat anymore oiled up fried chicken. I'm not predictable. I'm not what you'd expect and that's amazing.
Being different is amazing.
I think.
Still, I think one day the perfect person will come around and knock me off my feet. (They'll pack a punch.) Lover or friend. They'll come around. People who will appreciate me....
I'll belong one day. Preferably not today. Our faults make us who we are. I'll enjoy mine.
I'm going to meet people who are as broken as me.
"Can we just eat the news
And dance around the room
In a scattered point of views"
- Foster The People:
Lotus Eater
Love,
Sevvy-sleeps
