Stargazing

One

     Jamie was one of the first, Denise told all her friends about me and I received many greetings. However Jamie and Zaida were the ones who really connected with me, over the course of the next few days I enjoyed the company of my new acquaintances but something was missing. Denise wasn't talking to me. I brought up the subject with Jamie because I knew that out of everyone she was the closest to Denise,

"She just isn't good at conversing, its not because of you just give her time and she will talk." Jamie explained,

"You're sure about this? Because she hasn't acknowledged me since I asked to be friends." I conceded,

"I promise, we should all hang out this weekend to get to know each other." Jamie suggested. I agreed and we went about the rest of our day.

~

     That feeling in the pit of my stomach carried on, I kept thinking I was doing something wrong after leaving my old friends I had realized my facade had carried on for so long I didn't know how to be real with myself. I had always adjusted myself to match the personality of the person I was conversing with. I admired Denise's personality and wished I could be like her, at the same time everyone I knew and their dog had adored her. Always giving her compliments, telling her she was cute or she was perfect, saying how much they loved the things she owned, everyone wanted to be just like her. I don't blame them, everyone wants to have the reassurance and the smoothness that Denise apprehended.

But there is one thing that I noticed was a good start at obtaining the lifestyle of Denise Jenning,

a journal.

Beautiful artwork, pictures, writing, and more on thin topiary. A place to turn your melancholy, passion, excitement into more than just words on a page but an outlet for your creativity. It also doubles as a nice keepsake for teenage memorial purposes. I wanted to start one hoping to find something within myself that I want to keep, my own personality trait. I immediately searched for the perfect journal to contain these pieces of my life, settling for a light blue cover with gold accents and the words "BE HAPPY" inscribed on the front. I admired the untouched pages until the night we planned to go out together, looking at it sitting on my desk while I packed my bag I decided to include it even if there was nothing in it yet to show. Leaving my house around 10pm I hoped that this would go over well, don't embarrass yourself Kyra. 

~

     Jamie arrived to our meeting spot the same time I did, we sat on the park benches waiting on Denise. The yellow of the post lamp lit up the near surrounding as Jamie explained her friendship with Denise, telling me something about a swing set. I wasn't completely listening because I thought Denise could have stood us up because she doesn't want to talk to me, or maybe she will show up only to find an escape from me with Jamie. 

I perceived her walking up the pathway and that's when I wanted to go home and sleep, I do have school in the morning but Denise is a graduate and Jamie takes online classes, they're not losing any sleep. 

"Hi guys, sorry I took so long I had to make sure the dogs were taken care of." she explained before turning to me and giving a grin. I had a sliver of hope that she will really want me to be her friend, but in that same moment that sliver appeared it vanished as she turned to Jamie and started walking away from me talking about something.

I followed behind the two about a foot away from them, I wasn't going to interrupt just listen to see how I should act with them. Only to register that what they were talking about was in a foreign language to me, the word theory came up more than any other word in the short time I had been following along. I desperately wanted to ask what these theories were but their conversations were too deep rooted at this point to pull them out of it. 

What if I just turned around.