Lately, it's been raining, as if it knows how much I'm in pain.
"Loser, hurry up! We'll be late!" Jinhwan grabs my hand and I feel my heart beat faster. My whole face feels hot, hoping he wouldn't notice my flushed face, I begin to try and calm myself.
"Are you tired? Maybe it isn't a good idea taking you out." Jinhwan worriedly stops and grabs my face, visibly, my face turns even redder causing Jinhwan to start laughing.
"Are you seriously blushin right now? How cute are you?" Jinhwan notices I blushed even more from his words.
He holds my hand even tighter staring at me, "okay, we'll walk slowly, so I can get to hold your hand longer."
I stare at him and I could tell that he was genuinely happy being able to walk and hang out with me. I wish everyday would be like this but it wouldn't. I haven't told him but I don't have enough time. I'll be leaving next month to America leaving Jinhwan alone in Seoul. I wish I could stay, but there isn't any choice. I don't have enough courage to tell him I'm leaving. So I'll selfishly leave without saying anything.
"Babe, a penny for your thoughts?" He said, "you've been quiet the whole day, what's wrong? Are you okay? You aren't hurt anywhere right?" He worriedly looks at me and I couldn't handle it.
"I don't like you anymore." I lie, his worried face turns into confusion. He holds my hand even tighter, I pull my hand away from his & I begin to stare at the ground. My tears are swelling up & I couldn't let him see it. They begin to fall the same time it starts to rain.
"I don't understand? What are you saying?" Jinhwan holds my face to face his. He begins to analyze my expression.
"I said, I don't like you anymore. What's so hard to understand about that?" I say as Jinhwan eyes begin to water.
"Then why are you crying? Why are you doing this to me?" Jinhwan looks at me waiting for an answer.
"Are you an idiot? Why would I cry when I no longer love you? Can't you see it's raining? Don't make this any harder, Jinhwan, I don't want to be with you anymore." I harshly answer.
"What do you mean you no longer love me? Baby, I know when you lie, tell me the truth." I look into his eyes and I begin to waver but I get into realization I had to do this.
"I'm in love with someone else. I can't keep pretending I love you because I no longer do." The harshness in my voice made him seem to understand
"Who? Who are you in love with? Baby, don't do this, everything seemed to be fine, why are you doing this now? You're finally okay, why are you making it even harder?" He starts to hold onto me while tears are falling, I push him away and take a few steps back.
"I couldn't pretend any longer, Jinhwan. You were always there and you gave it your best into this relationship, but I'm tired. I don't want this anymore. In case you get hurt more, I wanna end this."
"You don't mean this, you're not yourself right now" He gives excuses and clings onto me. I turn my back and I walk away.
Its what's for the best, i remind myself.
I walk away not expecting him to run towards me. He hugs me from the back begging for me to stay, "Please, don't do this. How am I suppose to live without you?"
We stay like that for a second, I wanted to feel the warmth of his body one more time. But time was clicking and I had to leave.
"You'll forget me, you have to move on," and with that I left him in the rain.
Don't look back, don't look back but I do, i look back and see him standing alone in the rain just like I left him. I want to turn back, I want to hug him, I want to tell him how much I love him. I want to tell him that I lied, but we're both going to hurt if I do that.
