I reread the letter a couple of times not wanting to believe that she's gone. She can't be gone. I look up to see the guys in the room were crying like crazy. But I couldn't cry. I still can't believe that she's gone. She left, just like that. I didn't even get to properly say goodbye to her.
"Hyung, she's gone." Hanbin says as he cries, he tries to console me. But the denial of her death is still there.
"She's not gone." I try to convince them, but I'm not, I'm trying to convince myself.
"She's not" the tears finally spill out and my chest hurts. She's gone. The fact that I couldn't be with her on her deathbed.
She must've been in pain alone. Haneul must've cried everyday by her self. The fact that I couldn't be there with her makes me feel like dying.
I look towards Junhoe who was trying to keep his tears in. He knew what was inside that letter. He knew about everything.
"Junhoe, you knew didn't you?" I confront him & he could only stare.
"You knew and didn't tell us? Why didn't you tell us?" I say pushing my anger into him.
"We could've done something! We could've been there with her! Maybe if we did she would still be here with us." I angrily yell at him but I wanted to scream at myself for being so dumb. I should've been there with her. I should've followed her after she left to America, but I didn't. I was so focused on myself.
I walk towards Junhoe ready to punch him but I unconsciously gave him a hug. "You mustve been in more pain, the moment you saw the letter."
And in that moment, the cold hearted Junhoe starts to cry.
"You're right, hyung. This is my fault. I thought that she was going to come back. I knew that she was sick but I didn't do anything I-"
Bobby hugs Junhoe who was sobbing intensely. I stare at Chanwoo who's crying in the corner relentlessly.
"Hyung, after she broke up with you, I said some words I didn't mean to say. I didn't even talk to her for two weeks. I didn't spend time with her. I wasn't there for her." Chanwoo starts to cry even harder than before.
Yunhyeong is consoling Donghyuk, who was weeping.
"I literally texted her like months ago, asking her how she was but she replied with how much she missed us." Donghyuk says as he wipes his tears.
The entire house is full of sadness as if it knows our pain. It starts to rain and I go outside. I stand in the rain reminiscing about the memories we had.
"kim jinhwan, you make me want to live." she once said that to me in such a sad voice and I should've asked her more about that. But I ignored it. I want to tell her that she was my sole reason that I lived.
The rain falls onto me hiding my tears. I want to feel her touch once again. Tonight, the sky is crying, it's like it knows my pain.
I want to listen to her voice telling me that it's alright, but it isn't alright, and she can no longer comfort me. I can no longer listen to her sweet voice and feel her warmth near my body.
