Suicide Games

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 is here! :) Enjoy!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Louder, louder

The voices in my head

Whispers taunting

All the things you said

Faster the days go by and I'm still

Stuck in this moment of wanting you here

Time

In the blink of an eye

You held my hand, you held me tight

Now you're gone

And I'm still crying

Shocked, broken

I'm dying inside

Where are you?

I need you

Don't leave me here on my own

Speak to me

Be near me

I can't survive unless I know you're with me

Shadows linger

Only to my eye

I see you, I feel you

Don't leave my side

It's not fair

Just when I found my world

They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart

-          Haunted by Kelly Clarkson

My dreams; I can’t escape them anymore. Every time I close my eyes I’m tortured with the image of my father’s mouth opened in a silent scream as he cradles her limp body. Tears flow down his bloodless cheeks. He shouts her name over and over as I stand in the doorway, paralyzed in horror. She lays there like a broken doll, sprawled out as if a kid had just dropped her there seconds before.

My dad shakes her back and forth, her head slamming to her neck in an effort to wake her. But her slumber carries on. She is sleeping beauty but no kiss will awaken her.

“My baby,” He whispers, eyes filling once again with tears as he lets out a choked cry. He strokes her cheek lightly, wincing at the cold touch. He yells something to me but I’m too dazed to comprehend. At this time I shock myself out of the memory and sit up in my bed, turning on my bedside light. I put my face in my hands, holding in my cries.

But it doesn’t matter if I make noise. My mother won’t come to my aid. She’s too distraught in her own pain. Somewhere along our suffering she forgot how to be a parent. How to nurture, love, and care for a child.

I suck in a breath. I’m so sorry daddy. I wish you had the perfect life you dreamed for us. But I can’t tell you anything. You left before I had the chance. Without even a goodbye or a love.

I close my eyes tightly, forcing my body to relax under my cool sheets. A twinkle pierces my ears and I flinch, sitting up in bed again when I see her. She stands looking out my window to the moon, dressed in her favorite spring pajamas. I clutch my sheet tightly, willing her to disappear.

She giggles softly before turning around and locking her sky eyes with mine. I shriek, my heart starting to thump wildly in my chest as Emma slinks toward me. “Emma stop!” I whimper, flattening myself against my head board. Bile rushes up my throat but I force it back down. Her tiny pink mouth wobbles as she pauses, staring intently at me. “Kaylee why are you afraid of me?”