The week after my week at the Gold Coast with Jarred, we had to go back to school.
“How was your holidays Ali?” My friend Lilly had asked when we got to school.
“Yeah, they were good.” I blushed, wanting to tell someone about that week but wanting to keep it to myself. Cailey gently pulled my phone out of my hand and unlocked it.
“Who is this?” she demanded upon seeing my background.
“Jarred.” I smiled.
“What? How? When?” she stuttered, confused. I hadn’t told any of my friends that I had even gone to the Gold Coast.
“Ali?” Lilly questioned, pulling me out of my own little world that Jarred and I had created that week.
“Oh yeah, sorry” I smiled apologetically “I went to the gold coast with my family, and Jarred came up and yeah, we hung out.” I couldn’t stop the memories from the previous week playing through my mind, my eyes started to sting and my chest started to ache.
“AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Cailey yelled, pretending to be offended.
“Uh we should go, we have form.” I mumbled, changing the subject. We started walking off to go to form.
“You will tell me Ali.” Cailey said as we were walking up the stairs to her form.
“I know.” I sighed and walked off to my form room. Form went by very quickly; Matthew, Kyle and I were talking the whole time, with momentary pauses when our names were called out for the role. I dawdled into my first class; home economics. I took my usual seat next to Cailey and Ben. Ben was talking to Cailey about his scars and how he wished he had better ones, scars that were cool.
“I have some pretty cool scars.” I mumbled as I sat down, my mind went straight to the scars on my arms.
“Not really, your scars are all ‘oh my boyfriend broke up with me’ or ‘I feel sad, better go cut myself.’” Ben responded, clearly amused.
“Fuck off asshole.” I spat, turning to Cailey. Little prick, he knows nothing of what I go through. I swear I was so close to hitting him. Cailey and I moved to the very back of the room and sat on the floor, her making me tell her about the Gold Coast. I had told her about the whole week, about how he turned up at my door, how he pulled me down from the tree, how he tackled me into the waves at the beach, how I found him sitting on bed after I got out of the shower and he took me out to this cute little ice cream parlour that had lactose free ice cream after we went and got lunch at this fancy little restaurant, and how defeated I felt when we parted ways, yet again. By the end of it all, I was crying again. Before Cailey mentioned the tears, I quickly covered my face with my hands and turned away from her, I didn’t want her, or anyone, to see me crying. I was supposed to be the strong friend, the one who never cried. It seemed like my public image was being ruined because of that boy, because of Jarred. Some days I was so angry at everything, some days everything seemed to be in black and white. The days we were together were always in colour, they were always good and I was never upset, only when we left each other did I feel sad.
The rest of the day went slowly, dragging on. The day felt like it dragged on forever, mind constantly going back to him, I found myself daydreaming about what will happen next time we met. I was so consumed in my sadness I was oblivious to how visible it was.
“Are you okay?” Sarah asked me in our last class. I had my head down on my desk with my headphones in and my music on.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said as I lifted my head up, brushing my hair from my face with my hands and giving her the best ‘I’m ok, really’ smile I could muster.
“I know you’re not.” Ben accused from the seat in front of me. With a shrug of my shoulders I put my head back down on my desk and turned my music up to stop my mind from running overdrive. Bring Me the Horizon blasted though my headphones, filling my mind with their lyrics but somehow it didn’t help me feel any less empty. Everywhere I looked, something was there reminding me what I had just left behind not three days earlier. I turned the music up even louder as I felt my bottom lip begin to tremble; tears fell from my eyes, staining my notebook with little splashes of salty emotions. I sat up and turned around so Ben, Sarah and Nina couldn’t see me crying. I wiped my eyes off and took in a deep breath, focusing on the lyrics of the song I was listening to.
“Don't go, I can't do this on my own. Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night, I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight, don't go.” Oliver Sykes screamed over the music and into my ears, my eyes tearing up again. I ripped my headphones out of my ears, not wanting to keep listening to those lyrics; all they did was remind me of Jarred. My phone buzzed in my hand, letting me know I had just received a text.
“Hey.” Jarred sent.
“Hey :)” I responded. Seconds later the name ‘My Loser’ flashed across my screen, telling me I had received yet another text from Jarred.
“What are you up to?” he asked, he always did this on text.
“Just crying in maths class, ha ha, what about you?”
“Don’t cry, I love you princess.” He was so cheesy, but he always knew how to make me smile, I guess that’s why I liked him so much. I felt better, not too much better, but good enough to stop crying.
By the time I got home, it was late in the afternoon; road works had held the bus up by almost an hour. When I walked through the door, my mum was smiling at me knowingly.
“What?” I asked confused.
“You have a visitor.” She grinned even wider. Okay? I walked to the table and put my school stuff down before walking to my room. I opened the door and slid into my room, closing the door behind me, running my hands over the wall in front of me until I found the light switch. Just as I turned the light on, someone wrapped their arms around my waist and hugged me from behind. I immediately freaked out, quickly moving my way out of the unknown persons grasp and turning around to face them. It took me a couple of seconds to realise who it was.
“You bastard!” I laughed as I ran forward a little and hugged him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming up! My rooms a mess, and I look horrible today and” I was interrupted by his lips crashing into mine, my lips moving in synch with his and my hands resting on his chest, a slight sigh escaping mid kiss.
“Better?” he asked after he pulled away. “I missed you Ali.”
“I missed you too Jarred.” I said before getting on my tippy toes and leaning up to kiss him again. I felt him smile and I started smiling too. “Loser.”
