Fallen [Dean Winchester FanFiction]

XIV

Fourteen

Everything inside Alaine went still. The weight of the silence that followed was crushing. It sapped the strength from her limbs, and as she stood under the deep scrutiny of Dean's eyes, she found herself bereft of speech. His revelation had shaken her to the very core. A somber expression then came over his face as he slipped his hand from hers. The sudden emptiness she felt at the absence of his touch dug into her heart until it ached. She watched him draw away from her, and longed to pull him into her arms. She almost found herself reaching out for him, but stopped for the fear of being pushed away. Instead, her hands remained in their place, although yearning to seek after the warmth of his very being.

Dean had been carefully gauging her reaction. He waited for a trace of anything that revealed she'd already known of what he'd done, but her delicate features displayed not the slightest bit of awareness. It was clear to him now that she'd held no knowledge of it. However, the question of how he should proceed quickly arose in his mind. He needed to tread with caution if he wanted the outcome of this conversation to be the one he hoped for.

"So, I take it you didn't know?"

Finding her voice, Alaine mumbled a weak, "No."

Dean nodded then bowed his head. "I...I tried to find you. I ended up lookin' for months before my dad caught up with me and forced me to stop. It wasn't for long though. After I turned nineteen, I sorta took off again. At that point, I wasn't sure what drove me to keep lookin'. My dad said I was obsessed, but I knew...I knew it was something more than that."

A sad smile nestled into the corners of his mouth. He swallowed, slowly raising his gaze. Tears brimmed her golden eyes. He peered into them, the sorrow they held almost too painful to look at.

"Dean," her lips quivered. "I...I'm so sorry. I didn't—"

"Stop. You don't have to keep apologizing to me."

"But I do. I should've gone to you. I...I could've found a way to convince my dad not to go—"

The hunter shook his head. "You wouldn't have changed his mind."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. Your dad was a hunter, Alaine. An ex-Marine on top of that, too. Him and my dad, they were one in the same. Trust me, whatever you think you could've done, it wouldn't have worked."

"But what if it had?" she asked, her words cracking softly around the edges. "What if I'd stayed?"

"Then it would've been me leavin' instead of the other way around."

A look of hopelessness flooded her eyes. His chest hammered at the vulnerability he saw staring back at him. It crept its way deep into his bones, weakening him from the inside out. His heart now ached for her, for her touch, and the warmth of her soft lips. Everything within him throbbed with absolute longing. It made him want to hug her fiercely to him and never let go.

"I've spent all these years regretting not having gone to you before I left. I..." Alaine stopped, her gaze falling. "I hated myself so much for it. I still do."

Dean stepped forward. Gently, he took her face into his hands and guided her eyes back up to his. With the pad of his thumbs, he dried the moisture from her cheeks as a small frown formed onto his features.

"Don't." The realization of his next words dawned on him, evoking a sigh of acceptance from his lungs. "There's nothing you could've done. There's nothing either one of us could've done."

A sad smile settled onto her lips. "And that's what hurts the most."

"Well, don't let it. We're here now, right? It's taken us a while to get to this point, but what matters is that we're finally here."