Her Assassin's Heart - Book 2

Chapter 12

 "Cassie, you shouldn't really. I'm pregnant, not dying." Lavinia laughed softly. Her face was still pale and drawn, and she was a great deal thinner than she had been a few months before. Her large, dark eyes looked out of place on her face.

"Yes, I should." Cassandra said firmly, sticking her needle back into the worn fabric with a determined jab. The shirt was already riddled with patches and mends, and she was half a mind to throw it out. "You need rest." She raised a wry brow as the needle pricked the flesh of her finger.

"But my hands are perfectly capable!" Lavinia protested.

"I don't care. I thought for a moment that you weren't going to live, and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm not going to let your health fail any more if I can help it!" Lavinia's face turned suddenly serious.

"In truth, I'm more worried about the child than myself." She drew a deep breath and turned her gaze toward the rolling moors as a faint breeze toyed with a lock of her hair.

Cassandra looked at her sister's wan features and sighed. Turning her eyes back to her sewing, she wet her lips, unable to continue. The sudden sorrow in Lavinia's tone left her at a loss for words. She was only glad that the day was fair enough for them to sit outdoors. Lavinia was in desperate need of fresh air.

"There were others." Lavinia's voice was barely above a whisper. "Other babies." Tears pooled in her eyes. "But I lost them."

Cassandra turned sharply to face her sister. "Why did you never tell me?"

"I knew you would worry." Lavinia sniffed, wiping her eyes with a slender hand. "And you would've blamed Ethan. Don't try to deny it. I know you too well. True, you would've regretted it as soon as the thought entered your head, but once it was there, it would always sit at the back of your mind. I couldn't have you disliking him. Not when he's worked so hard since we came here."

"You're telling me now." Cassandra said softly, her own eyes filling with tears.

"You're here now. You see that there's nothing more he could do." Lavinia placed a hand on Cassandra's shoulder. "And there's nothing you could do either. You can't always shield me, Cassie. Not anymore. I've seen hell more times than I care to count, and you can't change that." A tear slid slowly down the white cheek.

Cassandra shuddered slightly. She had seen Ethan slaving over his work tirelessly, never pausing to rest. How could she have ever thought he wasn't doing his best to take care of Lavinia?

"I should have been here for you." Cassandra struggled to reign in her emotions, drawing a shaky breath. "I should have come here a long time ago."

"I wouldn't have had that! You had to let go of London fully on your own, or you would have spent the rest of your life wondering if that was where you truly belonged. Though you may not want to admit it, London was still the place that held your heart and interest until recently." Lavinia smiled sadly.

"Maybe so," Cassandra admitted. "but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't here when you needed me most."

"You wouldn't have liked to be here." Lavinia turned away suddenly. "You said yourself that it was difficult to sit here and know that there was nothing you could do to help. It was worse those times."

"Those?" Cassandra was almost terrified to hear the answer to the question.

"Three." Lavinia's whisper was hardly audible, and her eyes closed against the onslaught of tears.

Cassandra looked at her sister and saw the effort it had taken to utter the single word. She understood through it the hope and then devastating pain of loss for the three children that would never be. After what Lavinia had already faced, why did her life have to proceed in such misery? It simply wasn't fair.