The Journal of a Lost Soul

10/31/2017

~~~~~~~~~~~~The Hell that is My Head~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have lost what little sense that told me who I am a long time ago. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize that girl, I never have.

That's not me. I don't know why I think this but, that girl looking back at me is NOT me.

Have I ever known who I was? When I look in the mirror I don't feel anything towards what I see, besides confusion.

Who is this person?

Why can't I see myself reflecting back?

I'm in a body that does not belong to me. I don't know how to get out. I don't know what power put me here but I do not belong here.

This is not my home, I am not wanted here. The people here have made that clear to me.

To them I am a burden. A failure. A ... mistake. Something that should not be allowed the light of day.

Everything is my fault, I can never do anything right. Everything I touch gets tainted.

But when I dream I know who I am. I can see myself how I once looked. I feel ... I don't even know how to explain how I feel.

For once I wake from my dreams, everything disappears. I don't remember anything from my dreams but this unexplainable feeling.

When I try to remember ... I can't ... why can't I remember?

I so badly want to remember who I am. Who I was.

What was my life before this existence that I am forced to live now. Could I feel my emotions back then?

Or was I the same emotionless husk I am now.

... Its funny sometimes I get these images in my head. They feel so familiar, and yet so new at the same time. Like they just happened. But not here, with me. But else where and I'm watching through someone else's eyes.

I've started blacking out from my surroundings. Like someone is shoving my conciseness to the side. I don't remember anything from these times.

Its like blinking your eyes open from dozing off to sleep. It feels like it only was a few seconds. In reality it was minutes ... almost half an hour. Luckily I've only blacked out for a few minutes so far. And no one has noticed.

They never notice.

To the outside world they see the girl I'm trapped in. She looks happy, like nothing could ever be wrong in her world.

Little do they know I am the one controlling this body. That my dark corrupted thoughts are controlling everything going on behind the scenes.

If they did know, I wouldn't know how they would react. 

~Nymph