The Journal of a Lost Soul

2/22/2018

When I dream, I remember who I am.
But when I wake I forget.
All but one detail…
Red.
I remember the color red.
But not like the red eyed demon who use to reside in my room. That red was dark and muddy in color, like dried blood.
This red was bright, shining, almost glowing in a sense.
Bright red and flowing… it was beautiful and so mysterious.
It reminded me of something from the past… something from my past.
Long flowing red hair, its all I see.
It makes me feel… whole.
As if I found my missing piece.
At night I remember things, lately this image of red flowing hair has been repeating every night.
I… I think its me… but not from this life or any of my past lives.
I think its me… the original me.
The me who no one else sees and who no one else knows.
The me before I was thrust into this world of pain, sorrow, and rejection.
And that’s when I see it… I see myself.
My hair it’s the usual chocolate brown at the top but fades down in shades of red before turning into the familiar bright cherry red I remember.
My skin is still just as pale as it is here.
My face is more slender, less round, my dimpled chin remains along with the permanent pout that my lips always form.
This me having a porcelain complexion but keeping the odd freckles that mark my cheeks.
What catches my attention and brings back many other odd visions… her eyes.
They're a glossed over grey, resembling that of a blind persons eyes.
But yet I know she can see… because I have once looked through those eyes… I still do.
Those are the eyes my soul looks through every day.
Those are my eyes.
That is my hair.
That is my face.
That is… me…
The real me is the same height I am here in this body, a simple 5 ft. 5 inches.
She's slender with a figure that any woman would be envious of.
This is the me I've never been able to remember till now.
This is the form that I associate as myself.
The body I am in now has never been me, but this form that I now envision perfectly from my foggy memories... She is me...

~Nymph