Stories Full of Tears

First HeartBreak

So when I was of the ripe, impressionable, young age of 13 I liked a guy.

We're gonna call him, Jones. Jones was at the time dating my friend Samantha. Samantha is a beautiful human and we're still friends even. Probably cause she doesn't know this story. Anyway he was my best guy friend. Yeah I liked him but I understood that he was dating Sam.

So Jones had a lot of mental issues. He was depressed and used to cut. Well he would come to me when he felt really depressed and we would talk. That's how I kinda started liking him.

Fast forward a bit into their relationship. One night we were texting really late at night. And he was having a hard time. It was pretty bad and I was attempting to reassure him of how good he was.

I told him I loved him. When I said that I really didn't mean it in a romantic way. But he read it as that.

He said I love you too. You're so beautiful and I wish I could be with you. Shit like that. Well I was cut off guard. I did like him and so I just went with it.

Over this weekend we texted a lot. Every day. And some sexual stuff happened that I'm not proud of. He actually guilted me into sending him a shirtless pic... definitely a mistake.... anyway he was sweet. And over that weekend I began to actually really like him.

He even told me he would break up with Sam for me. Needless to say 13 year old me was stricken.

But at the end of the weekend he told me we couldn't be together. He said he couldn't hurt Sam like that. Well he was right. And I agreed with him and still do. But it hurt.

And I didn't stop liking him. Matter of fact I fell for him. Hard. And 2 years later I still loved him. I truly believed I was in love with him.

Being around him hurt bc I knew he didn't feel the same for me. Being around him now still hurts.

I told him my deepest darkest secrets. He saw there when I was at my weakest and insecurest moments.

But he drifted awake from me. And that hurt. A lot. It still hurts how far apart we are emotionally.

And over those 2 years when I was at my darkest. Like my really dark dark moments. He was there to hold me as I cried into his shoulder.

He is one of 3 people that have had the "pleasure" of doing that for me. Even now I don't think I'm over him. I might never be fully over him.

When I'm with him I just can't think about anything other than how bad my heart hurts and how beautiful he is (not just physically but in everything).

But I'm gonna get over it someday, I hope. Or maybe not. Maybe I won't ever be able to give my heart to someone else bc he will always have a part of it.

If I think like that I'll never get over him tho. So I gotta be positive.

Well thanks for reading the first installment of my stories. There are many more to come.
- Sara