Poems for the Mad

Civil War (trigger)

Warning: about mental/eating disorders, but is up to interpretation to which one. I based it loosely around my anxiety, my eating troubles/disorder, and my depression. Please read at your own risk.

Sweat against my brow
I hold steadfast to my gun
I shoot bullets of phrases, but they fire back, against me
The thoughts hit,
The fragments of the enemies bullets morphing with the clearer, more-sane thoughts of my own.

I begin to fire at my paper
My consciousness and my sanity being blown to oblivion.
It's like pulling a trigger
Aimed toward a mirror.
You watch yourself shatter in the midst of the calamity.

I try to take cover
Hiding from the flesh ripping
Bone shattering
Heart crushing
Body starving
Organ maiming
Brain killing thoughts I once claimed as my own.

But in the midst of this civil war I soon realize a terror.
My enemy gained an ally in my conscious absence of the fight.
I'm not just fighting myself any longer
I am taking on a much more rambunctious
Maniacal beast.

It masks itself like a mockingbird:
Taking the call of those you hold dear
And contorting, what was once a comforting voice
Into a malicious shreik,
Meant only to drive fear into human hearts such as my own.

I know I cant fight these two alone
But there is no climbing out of this trench
I'll either starve, in this merciless war, with no white flag,
Or i'll stand, aim, and fire from the hole I'm stuck in
That is, until i faint, due to exaution.
Though, more than likely that I'll faint due to staring into the soul of my greatest fears.
I'd die either way.

After the episodes of fainting, I'll be toyed with.
Being taken as a prisoner of myself,
And after being insnared in a prison of my mind
I will silently watch the monster.
I will watch it shoot a bullet between both my enemy's eyes and my own.
Because in the end
One can only remain standing, triumphant.
In this so-called "Civil" war.