This is who I am! (Trans Tord au)

2

T.W. mention of self harm. If you're hurting yourself or thinking about hurting yourself, please seek help because it doesn't solve anything. Honestly, it'll make you feel worse and there's no taking back the scars. If you can't talk to people in person, please look for online counselling. Kooth is a great website for it.

Tord's p.o.v

Once we got home, I got a buzz on my phone.
"Ugh, what now?" I mumbled, bringing it out and checking the message. It was a reminder for my online counselling. Yeah. I figured I couldn't sneak out the house the therapy every week, so the guy who runs it told me to phone up every week instead and have my session like that.
"Uh, guys I need to make a phone call..." I sighed, walking to my room.
"Alright, just don't be too long. I'm making dinner in a bit." Edd yelled after me as I shut the door.

I groaned and flopped on my bed, holding my phone up to call Alex. I hesitated before pressing the button, holding it to my ear.
Ring, ring, ri-
"Hello?"
"Uh, hey Alex."
"Tord?"
"Like always." I smiled. Something about talking to her makes me happy, she knows about all the shit that's happened in my life but still talks to me weekly.
"Yay! I thought you weren't gonna call this week." He cheerful voice filled the room.
"When have I ever done that." I laughed sarcastically.
"Want me to give you a list?" I could tell she was smiling.
"Anywho..."
"Oh yeah, is there anything you want to talk about this week?"
"Not in particular." I thought,
"Alrighty, I'll just ask you a few questions." I heard the pages of notebook flick.
"M'kay, hit me."

"First one, have you told your housemates about the transition?"
"No. No I haven't."
"Why?" She sighed,
"Because I don't want them to think I'm weirder then they all ready do. I also don't want them to think of me as female."
"I guess that's understandable. Ok, next question, what did you eat today?" The hesitation was obvious in her voice,
"Umm, I had and ice cream. Oh, and half a sandwich."
"Tord. That isn't enough."
"I know, I know."

She sighed and asked the next question,
"Did you do it again..?" I knew exactly what she was talking about and looked down pathetically at my wrists.
"N-No." I heard my voice crack, the same way it always does when I lie.
"Tord. Tell my honestly."
"... Maybe..." 
"How many..?"
"T-Twelve. Maybe thirteen." I mumbled quietly.
"Sweetie, you don't need to-"
"I know I don't." I interrupted, "but it hurts and feels good at the same time. I know I deserve it, and if no one else is going to punish me: I'm doing it myself." I felt tears in the corners of my eyes but brushed them away with the back of my hand.
"Tord, honey, no you don't."
"You always say that, but my brain consistently tells me otherwise." I didn't bother wiping away my tears this time, I let them fall onto the red bedsheets.
"I know, and I'm working on a way to stop that." She sighed and I checked my watch.
"T-That's forty-five minutes." I mumbled.
"Oh shoot, you're right. Bye Tord, call back next week. And please don't hurt yourself again."
"I'll try." I hung up and looked through my contacts.

I found who I was looking for and put the phone back to my ear.
"Hello?"
"H-Hi Pa." I sighed.
"Oh hello Tori." I cringed at the sound of my birth name, but what did I expect.
"So, h-how's things o-over there?"
"It's good, your father's out at work at the moment."
"Obviously." My mind was practically screaming at me to tell him. "H-Hey Pa, can I ask y-you something?"
"Anything Hun."
"What do you think about trans people." I stuttered.
"Well, if they genuinely feel that way. I think that people should be free to be who they want, why?"
"B-Because," I took a deep breath and continued. I mean what's the worst that could happen? "I-I'm a boy..."
"You're a boy..? Tori-"
"Tord. I'm Tord, Pa."
"Tord." He corrected himself and I felt a buzz of happiness fill my gut. "I love you no matter what, ok?" He sighed,
"Y-Yes Pa." I was crying again, damnit. "I l-love you too. So m-much."
"TORD! DINNER!" I chuckled as Edd screamed from the kitchen.
"I better go, or Edd will have my ass." I laughed, saying goodbye and hanging up.

I walked into the kitchen and was hit with the smell of meatballs. My stomach ached for food and I sat down, quietly groaning in pain.
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing to do with you Whiteness," I growled, holding my my stomach.
"Right.. whatever." He walked off and part of me wished I told him, but I can't. Ever.