i want to grab your stupid fucking face and tell you exactly how i feel, that im completely infatuated with you and theres no way for me not to be. that even though youre probably insanely unhealthy and toxic for me, i dont give a single shit. im into you to the point where if we ever did see each other in person, you could beat the ever living shit out of me and id probably forgive you and tell you how pretty the bruises are and beg you to give me more. you could throw me down a staircase and id still tell you that i love you and give you a broken-toothed smile.
i know you probably dont like me back, hell who could like a desperate piece of shit like me. but i crave your attention, every time i see your name pop up in my notifications my heart skips a beat and i get a small lump in my throat. i go from feeling like a powerful woman to feeling like a little girl in the snap of a finger. you make me so fucking weak and i dont think you realize it but i wish you did because maybe then youll finally see what you do to people, how they wrap around your finger so easily. i pray for the day you open up your gorgeous eyes and realize how many people you have completely whipped, me included.
i get asked constantly by people why i like you as much as i do, and im not completely sure. i think its because you have such a mysterious aura about you that i want to investigate and learn every detail about. youre so closed off and quiet, i want to try and make you open up to me and maybe eventually ill crack you open like a fucking egg, letting me see whats inside; the stories, the secrets, anything you wish to share. and id listen to you and everything you have to say and id remember every detail about it - the sentence structure, every word you spoke, and your precious accent that makes my heart and soul melt into a puddle. i know you have a colorful spark in you somewhere, its just surrounded by so much darkness that its practically drowning, shooting off spark flares and begging to be rescued. its screaming "S.O.S! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!" and im craving to be the one to save it, to safely return it to shore and let it grow and prosper but its so hard to do when you refuse to open up and let me see your mind; the chaos, the calm, the confused. its hard to help someone who refuses to be helped, and i know that from my past actions because i once too closed myself off and i eventually fixed it but now im too open about my feelings, an example is this blurb. im pouring out my emotions to someone who probably doesnt give a single fuck about me. you say you care and that im not an annoyance to you but for some reason almost all the fibers in my being doubt those statements because for all i know you could be the best the best liar this world has to offer. you could be a world star actor, playing a role to falsely steal my heart, mind, and soul and make me obsess over you and tell my friends and family about you which youve achieved.
am i fucking insane? possibly. but i think this is probably just a crush thats gone too far in my mind. i always want people who will never love me back, even though my mind tells me they one day might. i just want something i can never have, and right now that something is you. i know i probably sound fucking dumb and crazy right now but hey, you wanted to read this so you get what you ask for, no matter how much you regret the outcome.
and another thing, you always say how no one has a crush on you and how no one will ever like you. are you blind? or are you just ignoring me? id love to know.
