would you believe me if i told you i missed you? because i wouldn't believe you for a moment if you uttered those words to me. ive forgiven you too many times for choices like this but now you've gone too far. hell, you're not even mine anymore, i lost you to her. all i can think about are your fingers entangled in her long, dark hair and your lips locking with hers as you grind against each other on a lust filled night. was this all worth it? are her lips as soft as mine? are her eyes as pretty as mine once were, before the skin beneath them darkened from lack of sleep? does her body react the same as mine did, as you nibble on her soft spots and recklessly thrust into her? is she better than i am?
my questions aren't only about her, though. i also wonder if you'll treat her just as you treated me. the cuddles, the compliments, the deep talks, the surprise visits, the spontaneous road trips, but also the yelling, screaming, throwing things, and the beatings. will you hit her as hard as you hit me that one late september afternoon when the sky was almost as purple as my swollen eye? will you call her a dumb fucking bitch when she disagrees with you, only to apologize an hour later and say she means the world to you? are you going to break plates and glasses as a way to intimidate her and get her to do as you please, then have her step on the shards like some sort of deranged fire walk? if you do, i hope she fights back, because i sure as hell didn't.
these thoughts run through my mind as i hold back my tears of anger and sadness over you leaving me, and regret for letting you leave. you stopped me from leaving you so many times, why didn't i do the same with you? even though you destroyed me, i miss the feeling of your embrace and soft kisses as you called me princess and whispered in my ear how sorry you were that you hurt me. i always replied back with an apology of my own, saying that i wouldn't anger you again and that i deserved to get smacked and punched, convinced that this is what true love is.
but now my apologies are over. as i walk around on your driveway alone and slash the tires to your car, i smile thinking about how ill never say another goddamn sorry to you again. a grin appears on my face as i smash your headlights and taillights, remembering the apologies you forced out of my mouth, grabbing my face with one hand and making me look deep into your soul stealing blue eyes.
if you think i'll ever give you another "sorry" then you're dead fucking wrong.
