Random things that come to my head randomly

What do I want to be?

Get prepared for the cringe.

What do you want to be when your older is a question I have been asked a lot in the past. But right now it isn't a what it is a who. This may be strange but please bear with me.
Now I don't have the usual dream now of oh I want to be a vet or I want to be a musician. What I want to be is a dream I think about every night before I go to bed and I am not kidding.
I want to be someone who makes people smile when they see me. I want to be someone who can help people no matter where they are in the world. I want to make people laugh and smile even at me if I do something silly. I want to make peoples days brighter. I would love it if people would cosplay me or reference things I say. That may sound weird but thats my dream. I dream that people will talk about me in a good way. I dream so many things that I could say but the list would go on.

But the thing is no matter what I dream I am still that awkward girl who wants to listen to music and be alone. I am still that girl who finds it difficult to talk to people. I will always be the girl that a lot of people didn't like.

Yet I still dream of becoming that person the person who can happily talk to someone without worrying about everything I might say. I dream of making heaps of peoples day brighter even if they don't want to know I am actually there.

I dream that one day my name will be known and maybe even in lights. I see so many inspiring people out there in the world but I don't know if I can ever be like that.

I want to inspire people. I want to make people happy. I want to make people follow their dreams.

But the thing is I don't even know if thats a job. To inspire people and still staying true to myself with out putting on a mask and making some positive bullshit up. I want to be someone who can say things from the heart without people judging me.

Earlier this year and last year I did have dream jobs set out like I really would love to be an actor, perform in musical theatre, become a singer, marine bioligist. But I am scared I won't be able to.

Maybe there is something out in this massive world I can do that will let me follow my dreams instead of sitting here and doing nothing but letting my dreams fade away.

This year I want to start working on my goals and I want them to come true.

From now on I will not call them dreams because dreams can become nightmares in a few seconds they will now be goals I will complete.