For the first time I am scared of loving. Scared of
Breaking down walls and letting someone in. Of allowing
Someone to know me, truly know me – to know about my
Quirks and my eccentrics and the things that I do not have the
Courage to speak aloud. Of allowing someone to
Love me, to understand me, to support me, to
Hand me the bricks as I create a new path for myself, to
Hold me at night when the things that I don't have the
Courage to face come back to hunt me. of allowing
Myself to love someone else again, to give someone
New the chance and opportunity to make another
Crack in my already broken heart, to say
"Here is the most fragile piece of me," to trust myself
Enough that I won't mess this one up, because who
Knows when another might come around, because who
Knows when this one might leave and make
Another crack, make another ache, make
Another hundred poems.
For the first time in my life, I am scared of being
In love. Not because I don't want to but because
Enough boys have made a crack in my heart,
Enough boys have told me, "I don't want you" or "you are not
Enough for me" and they didn't say that with their words but
With their actions, and with their actions they told me that they
Didn't love me but they told me with their words and
I believed them. I believed their words instead of their
Actions. And this time, I am afraid that this one's actions will be the
Same as those before, that he will say with his
Actions, "I do not want you" or "you are not
Enough" or "I can't love you" or anything else that plagues me at night.
