Gedigte

Im not a jumper 9/11

As i'm still alive after flames consumed my friends,I'm hanging half way out the window.
But still heat and smoke suffocate me.

I'm aware of death and co-workers behind me, not caring as I tear the shirt of my chest,
forcing my head out the window because my smoke filled lungs are screaming for air.
My body nearly melting from hell that forced it self through the windows.
I'm afraid but still I hope.

I need to get out of here,but the heat with invisible fire is still able,
still licking, still tasting my skin.
Half way out of the window I am.

i need to find a way to save myself. I need to get out! Smoke thick and bubbling from my freedom.
I grab on to the frames beside me. Maybe if I hang on someone will come to save me.

It's is my only hope.

Behind me is a forever suffocating hell,broken walls burning like paper,white ash of those
who was consumed by fire floats with the wind in peace to the world of the forgotten.
Un-fortunatly the consuming fire still has more to destroy.

The Screams and coughs has now quieted from behind my freedom.
Smells of skin and fuel tearing at my conscious. I can't think of that now.

Where are those who brought the sirens? My heart is breaking at the thought of those who died in vaine.

i see those who stood beside me for years also seeking refuge from the sky.

I'm sort of hanging but also holding on to the old metal frames with wet sweated hands.
No matter how far the ground is from me, I don't think about that,i simply can't give in to my fear of hights.

The eternal heat still has a claim on the eightieth floor.

I'm still hanging on, still breathing.
Another bird came from the depths of the ocean , i saw it coming;
Felt it crashing next door.

Please let my family be safe. I'm escaping. I will see my baby boy grow up. I just need to hang on a little bit longer.

i have no other choice as I force my whole body outside the window.

HOPE!

The helicopter reveals a glimpse of impossible hope.
he can simply come closer, i'll jump and hold on.
I have little logic left but right now I will do anything just to go home.

HELP ME! I'M HERE! Why are you just looking at us?

But it never happens. Their distance safe.
I'm simply being captured as entertainment. Why aren't they doing anything!

I'm still holding on , my hands are aiking. I will have to save myself.

This is the moment.
My heart is racing as i realize my escape is being consumed as well.
My dreams doesn't matter anymore!
Their existence doesn't matter.
My goals is flaring and filling up with smoke.
Why is nobody coming up?
Why is no one trying to save us?

The cameraman is still recording!

I don't want to be remembered like this!
i see Those who came with sirens, but there's no way up, I realize that now.
i hear screams from next door. Screams of those who is being licked by fire and quietly smothered by dust.

Please just shut up the siren!For gods sake please! please,miricle I need a miricle!

I'm losing my hold.

There's no way out anymore.

There's no way up...

The only way left is down!.
Maybe ill make it, I can do this.

Fear is thick arming me with clarity and irrationality.

no one is coming anymore , they ran as the building next to me fell.

They don't see me hanging on don't they realize I am waiting for some brave escape?.
I am still hoping for a miracle.

i try to slide down to safety, one bit at a time.

Yes! it's working. This may be a solution to my impending death. I can really do this.

Im comming home my love!.

Slowly!...
Slowly!...
Yes!...

NO!...

my body is forcefully gliding a bit more and more, my hands damp with heat and sweat,
gravity is pulling me down. No, no! oh god no this can't be it!
Not like this!...
This cant be my end.
I have so much to live for! how will they survive?

I cant die!

I tasted my freedom for only a second.
And it evaporated mockingly.

My gliding became faster and faster...
Down...

The building abandoned me and threw me away from it.

The wind rushes through me.

No one can catch me, no one can save me from this. No one!

I'm falling!

But my eyes watches the sky. I see those i love.Their faces happy, eyes filled with love and care.
i'll miss you and i love you allways!

i don't want to fall ,
i don't want to die.
i see my sons face, my baby boy he's only two.
i hope he learns to be strong.

Will he also think i simply just jumped do my own death!

Choosing my way to die?

Will he think i gave up on life as he sees the camera's feed!?

My boy i didn't jump!

i let go of my fear for death! it's unavoidable! I feel the air around me bend as seconds tick by.
I'm gliding to earth with no wings. I'm not falling Anymore i'm soaring.
Somehow i'll find my peace in this doom!
i didn't jump!
I tried to climb down!
i never gave up!
i tried to find a way to go back home. I tried to survive for you.
"i love you.". my last words as i sank into the earth.

remember I'm not a jumper.