Life After You

Life aftet you Chapter -4

New starts
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Enjoy!
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Now what?
Can't stop thinking.. about everything..
I don't know what to do now..
I guess that's what I was scared of.
How I'm supposed to be like I was yesterday..? Like nothing happened?
People deserve to know why did Chris died.
He have a child. A gang Was hunting him..
But he died for me.
Because he tought thats the best..
How can he even say that?
Now what I need to do?
I'm blaming myself for that.
Chris died for me.. because he tought that's what will keep me safe.
But he died.
And that's what's keep me die inside Every day.
He left me. He broke me down.. he tought that's what will keep me safe?
How I'm dealing with that?!
How?!
What now ? How.. I.. I can't do that anymore..
I just can't.
Why dose my life like that.. how I'm dealing...I don't know..
There is things that I don't know to do like deal with this.
But.
He asked for me to move on.
So that's what exactly I'm going to do.
I loved Chris so much.
And I still do.
But I'm 18.. my life just started.. I didn't sew anything in my life!
I'm too young for all that drama..
I deserve happiness.. and I can't just sit here and wait for that.
I'm the only one who can make that change.
So..
The chapter with Chris is gone.
Chris is dead.
But I'm not.
***
"Mom.. I need to talk to you about something.."
My mom looked at me a little of bit surprised.. maybe because I'm not sharing anything with her lately..
"What is it honey?.."
"Look, I was through allot.. and I was in depressed because of Chris.
But not anymore.. I decided thats over.
Chris died.. and I just want to be a teenager and finish school and back to normal.."
My mom looked at me like a ghost was front of her.. I guess she is a little of bit surprised..
"Wow.. um.. wow.. honey.. I'm so so happy to hear that.. um.. are you sure you not sick or something?.."
"Haha.. I'm fine mom. I really do.
It's was just important to me to tell you that.. so no more therapist and hospital.. I'm fine I was just in a bad time."
"Alison.. how did you got to that tought?.. I mean.. I'm really surprised to hear you say that.."
".. I know how Chris died mom."
"What?!?"
"It's a long story how I know but.. I'm done with Chris. I'm not going into this pain again."
"Oh.. it's allot to take in five minutes."
My mother grabbed a water from the kitchen and I guess that's was a really surprise for her.
I don't know if Chris's family knows but I'm totally done with it.
"So im kind of late for school mom see you in few hours?"
"Yes.. um.. sure bye babe have a great day!"
"Thanks."
School was Different today..
Finally I started to talk to people.. to my old friends.. I have missed them allot.
And tommorow we are going to watch a movie..
I have missed to my life.. I realized that I need to Let Chris go.
I can't Stay the way I'm.. I need to have a life and to sitting and cry all day doesn't make it any better.
When I was on my way to my car.. I was in shock who was front of me.
Chris's mother.
She had a face like: we need to talk.
I was a little of bit nervous to go and talk to her but I knew that I have no choice.
"Julie?.."
"Alison dear.. it's so nice to see you again.."
"It's nice to see you again too Julie.."
"Can we talk.. please?."
"Um.. yhah sure.."
I was totally scared.. what she wants from me?
She didn't spoked to me for almost 4 months..
"How are you.. after Chris.."
"I'm fine.. I have to be.."
"What do you mean?.."
"I'm starting to feel much better.. I mean.. I have to move on."
"..wow.. how can you do that?"
"I loved Chris allot Julie.. but I know he wanted for me to be happy and move on."
".. how do you know that?"
"I just know."
"I miss him allot.. I can't sleep or eat.. I have nightmares.. and I know i shouldn't tell you this but.. I need to talk to someone.. "
It's was really awkward.. I really feel sorry for her.. This is the most painful thing that can ever happened to a parent..
I just wanted to hug her in this moment.. She is so lonely.. she have no one to talk to.
"I'm so sorry to hear that.."
Than she started to cry.
"I'm sorry I'm crying.. I just can't control that.."
"It's ok. You don't have to apologise Julie I understand."
"How is that you can move on?! You loved him so much right..?"
"I did.. and I still do.. I just prefer to live my life instead Be in depressed for the rest of my life.. I do care about Chris.. but he is gone.. and there is nothing I can do to bring him back."
"I wish I could do the same.."
"...."
"My husband.. he is not in home anymore.. "
"What?.."
"He is at the bar drinking.. I don't know but he is not at home."
"I'm sorry.. "
How sad it can be more than it is?..
They lost their son.. Now she is Dieing inside and he is drinking his life probably cheating on his wife..
They was the most Happiest family I have ever met.. and now?
Now.. they pulling apart.
I hope his sister is fine..
"I'm very sorry Julie.. you have no idea how sorry I'm.."
"Thank you for talking to me Alison."
"Of course.. any time I'm here for you."
"You always was like a daughter to me."
"You always was like a mother to me too."
"I'm so happy that Chris have met you.. I always tought that you both gonna get married.."
"Hahaha.. me too.."
"Well.. I should go.. " she said.
"Me too.. I mean.. I will see you again right Alison?.."
I really didn't knew what to say.. but my brain told me that I can't meet her again.. she is Not my concern and I have to move on..
But my heart said that I can't leave her like that.. she is so poor.. And I really feel sorry for her.
And I said..
"Yes you will Julie."
"I'm happy to hear that."
I got into my car and I sew her getting into her car.
This is was a hard conversation.. but I'm happy she can open up with me.. she can't really do that with anyone but she trusts me..
And I don't know if I can ignore her.. I know I want new start and I have to put behind me all the bad things includ Chris's family.
But Julie needs someone to talk too.. someone who can understand..
I finally got home and Took of my bag the time was 6pm and my mother was at the living room watching TV.
"Hey.. how was your day?"
"Hey it's was.. um.. Good I guess."
"Why what happened?"
"Nothing really.."
"Alison!"
"Fine.. I met Julie Chris's mom.."
"Oh.. How was that?"
"It's was awkward and Sad."
"How is she after all?"
"She is a mess.. "
"Of course she is she just lost her son."
My mom said that when she was keeping watching TV.
She didn't seem like she really care.. maybe because her son hurted me.
"Well she said she wants us keep on touch.."
"I don't think you should Alison.. I think you should move on from all of this family."
My mom had a point.. in some way she is right.
But also she is really poor and she needs someone she can talk to.. how I'm supposed to ignore from that..?
I took a hot shower to clear my thoughts.
Than I was at my bad thinking again about everything..
And honestly?
I'm done with thinking too much.
I just need do things instead think about them so much.
And about Julie.. I think I'm going to keep seeing her.
Maybe it's good to talk about Chris.. and not just move on Like nothing ever happened.
And I see she really needs someone to talk too.. And I need someone to talk too.
the next morning was normal my parents set on that little table we have in our kitchen.
Same.
"I think I should keep seeing Julie."
"What?.. but why?!"
"Mom I don't think it's a bad idea.. she needs someone to talk too."
"Have you ever heard psychologist?"
"Mom! It's not the smartest and you know that!"
"Oh really? Why is she even want to talk with you? I think you should stop seeing her."
"Well I'm 18 mom so thank God I don't have to listen to you."
"I'm still your mother Alison.. and I think that's the best for you."
"I know what's the best for me! I wouldn't do that if I know it's not for the best for me."
"Fine. Do whatever you want Alison."
My mother got up from the table and went to the kitchen.
She is mad of me for no reason. I know what I'm doing in my life.. and she need to trust me.
Besides Julie was really important person in my life.. and I do care about her so I don't see why it's a bad idea.
"And what about you Henry? Don't you think Alison should listen to me?"
My dad had a face like : I have no idea what you want for me
He was looking at both of us and than he said:
"Um.. I think I trust Alison and her decisions.."
"Unbelievable!" My mother pissed more and than she went upstairs.
She is so dramatic sometimes.
"Thanks Dad.. that you trust me.."
"Of course I'm Al.. you smart and besides I don't see why it's a bad idea."
"I know right?!"
My dad and I have so much in comment.
I know my mom just trying to protect me but she Needs to stop Because im fine and I know what I'm doing.
"Ok I'm going I don't want to be late for school."
I got out and went to school.
"Hey Alison!! So we are still meeting today right?"
"Haha hey Andrianna and yes we still meeting today."
"Omg!! Yesss I'm so happy that we are doing things like that again!"
"Yes me too.. I have missed you slept guys."
"Ohhh me too babe. So is that a problam if I will bring the guy I'm dating with?"
"No? Why?"
"I don't know i tought you wanted a girls night."
"No it's fine.."
"Ok would you have to meet him! His name is Liam and he is totally cute and I met hem last week at the beach with Sophie."
"Ok.. I can't wait to meet him."
"Omg we gonna have so much fun!!"
Andrianna was the kind of the crazy people that the only thing they want is to Heng out and party.
But she still was my friend since I was 5 I met her.
Her mom is really good friend with my mom.
School was fine.. I started to come back to myself. I catch up with school really fast started to hang out with friends and Family..
But it's not enough.. there is still the pain that Chris is not here with me..
But I have to be strong.. I already doing a best job to forget him and move on.