Callum's Colours

Ryan's Crash

They try to scream my colours out,
Scrub and rub 'till I brim with doubt.
But they will never know my secret now
Because this flag is drawn in permanent marker.

And the harder you scrub, the brighter it shines.
So they can try to rub my colours out,
But this flag is flying
And I have no doubt.

A stream of light peeling under the curtains wakes me early.

For the first time, I can admit that I agree with Ryan Gold. He doesn't need to warn me twice about my safety at school with the tapes released. I need to at least wait a week before going back, before returning to hell.

I quickly grab my school bag, in case my parents ask why I haven't got it, and steal $20 from my dad's wallet.

I decide that's his payment for getting drunk last night.

Outside, the air's fresh and my face begins to redden. As I start my Volvo, it shudders and shows the temperature as 4c. I wish I'd put on a jumper.

The road is as deathly quiet as usual, houses inhabited by a mixture of the elderly and business owners. Everyone has either left or are still asleep.

The trees are green but crunchy from a thin coat of ice. My teeth clench from the early morning chill.

As I wait desperately for the heating to work, I slam the radio up to the highest volume. Drowning my ears in music usually banishes some of my anxiety's.

I pull out the drive and swing the car around, still fiddling with the radio buttons, not really paying attention. I hear a scream, like a child's.

Panicking, I jump out the car, sprinting to the front so I can see what I've hit.

It's not a child, it's a man.
They're laying down.

Shit.

I've killed someone.

Shit.

I'm going to go to prison.

They stand up.

For some reason, despite everything, I'm so relieved they aren't dead that I hug them. For a few seconds, I forget everything, Caleb, the tape, memories. All that matters is that I haven't hurt someone.

It's the first physical contact I've made since the rape.

Goosebumps suddenly coat my arms. My skin feels like it needs to be scrubbed.

I quickly let go, unsure of what came over me.

They slowly brush themselves down, carefully straightening up. Despite everything they seem to be smiling, even if they're legs are trembling.

I almost decide to run myself over when I realise who I hit.

Ryan Gold faces me. I don't move, hardly even breathe, so terrified that I might've hurt him.

I splutter something inaudible.

I thought he only gave me his number out of pity, I didn't realise he actually cared.

My cheeks flush. I can't believe I hugged him.

"Alright gay boy, calm down!" Ryan smirks, "Just because you're gay it doesn't mean you have to hug all the best looking men."

I feel my cheeks growing even redder. I'm not sure how much more embarrassed I can become.

"You can stop calling me gay boy, it's actually pretty offensive," I say in a pathetic attempt to be deadpan.