Will You Hold Me

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I never told Katie what was wrong with me . I simply said,"Ive had a hard life," and left it at that. She understood. She opened up to me, though. She told me about her abuse as a chd, and about how she is still sexually abused today by several boys at our school. She has never told me who they are, but Ive seen their marks.

One guy always punches her, leaving fist-shaped marks on her stomach. I call him the Throttler. He is really rough, pushing her to the ground and kicking her. Another one, I call him the Backbreaker, pushes her against walls to fuck her. She always has hickeys after she deals with him. The last, and worst, of them is the Sex Master. He physically, sexually, and mentally abuses her, making her depressed, and leaving her thinking she needs him. I hate him most of all. He makes her cut herself and then cover it up, hiding it even from me.

I walk into my house and close the door heavily. Locking it back I take a deep breath. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Im fine. I throw my backpack and purse on the chair next to the door and go get a snack. Marshmallows. My favorite.

Its not long before the thoughts are back in my head though. Im worthless. Dumb. Annoying. Ugly. Why am I even here?

I run to the bathroom and grab my razors from the draw. Slut. Bitch. Idiot. Dumbass. I cut deeper everytime. The word "stop" rings through my head so I write that, deep cursive lines engraved in my skin. Im broken. And I dont care.

"This is what you did to me," I scream. "Its all your fault. Its all my fault. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why?" I sob, and my blood and tears mix together on the floor. "I love you, mom," I whisper. "Come back to me."