Nausea: Sequel to Warcrossed

A Funeral To Ourselves

There were only four people other than the priest at the service: me, Eliza, Hercules, and Alexander. It made me realize just how few people cared for him enough to make the trip and pay respects. Alex called Saint Kitts and Nevis home, while Hercules lived in Ireland, and Eliza in New York City. I still didn't know where I was supposed to be, but my dogs were here and my agreement with Jayce said South Carolina. It was mostly silent as we listened to the man go on and on, and I was the one who stayed there after they'd all gone and after the casket had been covered with soil. I had decided it better to have it closed through the service, since I couldn't bear to see him dead and cold and stiff. I just liked to imagine that he was curled up asleep, comfortable, instead of in a suit on his back forever. We didn't have cool enough weather to get ahold of any snapdragons, but I promised him I'd plant some when it started to lean towards the end of winter. Scout was laying by the water, while Sport splashed in it. The sun beat down on us, especially since I was dressed in Sunday best, so I loosened my tie and took it off. My blazer was next.

The bank of the creek was lined with small stones up until the sand met the grass, and trees were scattered everywhere, forming some shade, but letting a lot of sunlight through in the clearing where we were. He would have loved it here. I could see him now, swimming off and calling for me to come along. Sport would follow, and Scout would stay put at my feet. Then, he'd come back to shore, dripping wet, leaning on me and making my side damp, too. And I'd pretend to be annoyed, but I'd start laughing and give it away. And we'd just sit there, enjoying the rest of summer together, with no cares in the world. We'd have the time all to ourselves.

I finally cried over him. For real, this time. I was sure I could have scared off everything in the woods with how loud I was being, but no human was within earshot, so I didn't care. I just wanted him back. 

Scout laid her head in my lap. and I put a hand on her back, burying my face in her neck as I pet her. I didn't have to say a word, because if anyone understood, it was her and Sport, who'd come back and sat on my other side, licking the half of my face that wasn't hidden. I don't know how long we sat there, but I was glad I wasn't all alone.