It was about a month after our first anniversary as a married couple when I first brought up children to Bruce. He knew it was something I had always wanted, but he wasn't as excited as I was.
"Do you want children?" I asked him one day.
"Y/N, it's not that I don't want children, it's just that I would be happy one way or another as long as I have you." He said and kissed the top of my head.
"Would you want to try for children?" I asked him, still not satisfied with any of the answers he has given me.
"I would love to have children with you, Y/N." He said.
"I just need to know before we decide this that if we do have a child, I won't be the only one taking care of it." I said and looked him in the eyes.
"Y/N, if we do have a child, I would love them with my entire soul, you can count on that." Bruce kissed me once more before he left for work. I sighed happily and began my own work.
A few months passed, and I found it strange that I hadn't any symptoms of pregnancy yet. Bruce and I had started trying immediately after our conversation, so I figured I should go to a obstetrician. We took a few tests and he gave me the news, I was infertile. He told me it was almost impossible for me to ever have children of my own, and if I ever did end up becoming pregnant, both I and the baby would be at major risk. After this news, I was devastated. The one thing in life I wanted was a child of my own, a son or daughter to call me mom and to lean on me for advice and guidance. I would never have that now. Adoption is an option though. Honestly, would Bruce even want to adopt? Would he even want a child if it wasn't technically our own? These thoughts filled my head as I went back to the manor. I stared off into the abyss of my mind as I drove, wondering what on Earth I'm going to tell Bruce.
I make it back to the Manor and head up to his office. I know he's not at Wayne Enterprises today, so where else could he be? I wander around his office, and as I'm about to leave, I trip on a rug and catch myself on one of the busts he has. I think this is the one of his grandfather. As I catch myself, I notice a shift in the statue. I know I couldn't have broken it, so I study it a bit more closely. I notice a crack in the statue and the top part of the crack comes clean off, as if it were a lid to a jewelry box. Inside the bust is a keypad. I study it, and the curiosity gets the best of me. I type in his birthday, but it doesn't work. I type in both of his parent's birthdays and that doesn't work either. Finally, I type in the date for the day we met and I hear something click. I look around and a book from the bookshelf seems to have protruded a bit outwards. I reach for the book, but instead of the book coming off the shelf, the shelf itself comes away from the wall, as if it's a door. I open the 'door' and step into the doorway. The entry is dark, and I'm immediately met by a set of stairs that go downwards. How could I not have been aware of this in all the time I've been living here? More importantly, what is Bruce hiding down here?
As I descend the staircase I found, I begin to hear voice, quite obviously of Bruce and Alfred. I can't make out what they're saying just yet, but as I reach the point where I can see them, my breath runs short. I see Bruce, sitting in a chair in front of a large array of computers. This isn't what surprises me though. What surprises me is what he's wearing. He's wearing a cape. The black cape that belongs to the Gotham vigilante, Batman, drapes across his shoulder. The cowl that belongs to Batman is clenched in my husband's hand.
"Well, Master Bruce, I'm sure that when she returns she'll bring good news." Alfred says. This brings back my thoughts from earlier, and so many thoughts are running though my mind that my breathing becomes difficult and tears escape my eyes. At this point, I'm not even sure why I'm crying.
"Bruce." I whisper, loudly enough for them to both hear it and turn around surprised.
"Y/N!" Bruce says as he stands from his chair. I continue down the stairs, looking around the infamous 'batcave' that was apparently in my basement for the last year and a half.
"What is this?" I ask in a whisper.
"Well- I- Uh-" Bruce stammered, obviously not prepared for me to have barged in. I shake my head and look him in the eyes.
"Please," I start. "Please tell me this hasn't been going on since we first met Bruce. Please tell me that you haven't been lying to me from the start." I beg in a whisper. His eyes look solemn and I know I have my answer.
"I can't do that." He says and reaches out for me. I swat his hand away, so confused as to how I should be feeling. How do I process this? What should I be mad about first? His lying about where he goes at night? His obvious recklessness? His ability to look me in the eyes every day, knowing that I don't truly know who he is? Should I be mad at myself for not seeing it? Where do I even begin?
I don't know how to process this, so I turn around and walk away. He grabs my hand before I can make it very far.
"Y/N, please wait." He says.
"Why?" I ask and spin around to him violently. "Is there some sort of explanation? Really? Are you truly going to try and spew some bullshit at me as to why you've been lying to me every morning we woke up together since the day we met? Are you truly going to stand there and tell me there's a reason I don't even know who my own husband is? Are you?" I'm half yelling and half sobbing by this point.
"No, but I don't want you to walk away from us when we were planning on starting a family." Bruce replies. My eyes darken as I stare into his.
"Yes, we were Bruce, but not anymore. We couldn't have anyway." I reply. He looks at me confused now. "I'm infertile, Bruce. We couldn't have started a family even if you wanted to." I say and the tears start coming even heavier now. Bruce's eyes show sadness, although I find it hard to believe right now if its real or fake. I yank my arm out of his grip and run up the stairs. I don't hear him or Alfred follow me, which I'm thankful for. I make it to our bedroom and lean my back against the door.
As tears streak down my face, I try to understand what could have caused him to do this. Why did he even marry me when I didn't know who he was? I just couldn't shake the thought that maybe I never really did know the man I had married.
I shook my head violently, as if shaking my head would force those thoughts away. I needed a distraction. I needed something to focus on, so I decided to go to the youth center and spend the rest of the day there. Maybe seeing the children's happy faces will help clear my mind.
I spend the next few nights at the youth center, not a single call or text fro Bruce asking me to come back home. Only one call asking where I was and if I was okay. I answered him and hung up, but haven't heard from him since. The kids have truly been helping me cope with the new information. Both my infertility and learning Bruce's secret. The kids just had this way of making me smile. I think I've started to understand Bruce's point of view, and why he never told me. I never told the kids any specifics obviously. But they told me that sometimes men hide secrets to protect the one's they love. One young boy told me the story of Rapunzel and Eugene. Eugene had to to hide from Rapunzel and cut her hair in order to save her life.
Obviously, the story's quite different, but I think it helped me understand a little bit. That afternoon I called Alfred and asked him to bring me home. He was more than happy to oblige. I made it back to the Manor and Bruce met me almost at the door in a large hug. To his surprise, I hugged back.
"Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you." He said.
"Just tell me why you didn't tell me when we got married." I asked and looked in his eyes.
"Do you remember what I told you when I first asked you out?" He asked. I nodded, confused.
"You said I was one of the only people that treated you like an equal rather than the rich and powerful Bruce Wayne." I replied.
"Right. I didn't tell you I was Batman because I was worried you would think of me differently. It's selfish, I know, but I just couldn't afford to lose you." I looked into his eyes as he spoke and saw only sincerity. I pulled him into a kiss.
"Swear to me, Bruce Wayne, no more secrets." I beg.
"I swear on my life, no more secrets." He replied and he pulled me back down for another kiss.
