Metanoia; Yi Jinzie

Nine;

Running into Bangtan is extremely awkward now. I haven't told my friends because I was hoping that it actually never happened but I feel as if they suspect what was going on. It's been a couple of weeks now and I can't stand not being able to talk to Jin.

"I have to tell you something, I really screwed up the other day," I say slowly and my friends pause from what they're doing and look up.
"Do you remember that night that I went street shopping with Jin?" I ask. They nod, "Jungkook and I were on the tennis court I believe," Yun Hee says. I nod, "Yeah, well soooo.," I say, taking a deep breath. I was a little terrified to tell them, but they were my closest friends.

"Uhm okay, basically. Jin and I went out and got a couple of drinks, I don't really have a high alcohol tolerance and I may have accidentally, kind of kissed him?" I say stuttering off. Misoo almost burst out laughing, "I KNEW IT! What else did you do, hmm?" I look at her horrified, "I'm absolutely positive that was as far as it got." Soomi looks at me, amused, "And how do you remember?"

Uh oh, this is the bad part. "Yeah so uh, Minji may have seen us and she took a picture. She's also using it as blackmail if I ever embarrass her half-brother, Se Jun, again who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend." I say, staring at them helplessly. Yun Hee's mouth drops open. Misoo rubs her temples, "Why is your life so complicated? I need to take a nap this is too much information."

Soomi is pacing back and forth, "Do you know what could happen if that gets out? We could get fired, and we didn't even debut yet." A feeling of guilt pools in my stomach and an uneasy feeling settles over me. I could be risking the careers of my friends because of one stupid, drunken mistake. "She threatened to send it to BigHit if I ever humiliated her half-brother ever again. She knows that BigHit was Jin's company. But it's also ours."

"I used to have to deal with an annoying girl who chased after me to find her ex-boyfriend," Soomi says, pausing, "Humans are so annoying to deal with, I'm about 100% done with humans."

"Except for Min Yoongi," Yun Hee says giving Soomi a pointed look. Soomi then gives her a glare and Yun Hee gulps, "Sorry Eomma."

"Oof, you better say something to Jin. You better make things clear before any feelings develop," Misoo says, raising an eyebrow. Yun Hee nods, "We do not want miscommunications and things that could potentially ruin our careers."

This would be awkward as hell. "Okay, fine. I'm going to die."

Soomi laughs, "Can you wait a bit? You can't bury Minji's body if you're dead."

-Time Skip--

I'm standing in the doorway to Jin's recording studio. It's one thing to listen to his voice through headphones of a computer or at a concert than to hear it now. I leaned against the doorway letting the soft melody wash over me. His voice was raw and untouched making the music beautiful. I heard the music falter and then cease only to be picked back up again. His voice was laced with frustration but I found it made the music more beautiful. I stare at him from behind and my eyes trace his figure. He was so attractive.

Then he turns around.

WAIT, HE'S TURNING AROUND?

"Jinzie? What are you doing here?" Jin asks me, running a hand through his hair. Uh, what do I say?

"Okay, I'm going straight to the point. I remember what happened that night I went with you," I say, I decide to leave out the part with Minji and the picture. I look at him and he looks down at the floor, not saying anything. "I want to say sorry because I know that it was a very dumb, drunken mistake. I won't ever do it again and I promise there are no feelings attached."

I wait silently. No strings attached. I felt nothing.

"Okay, let's put that behind and continue to be friends," I say after a while. He looks up at me and it takes everything to not break eye contact. I try to just focus on his eye but wasn't a good idea because the room felt like it had suddenly turned a million degrees.

"Of course, let's put it all behind," he says softly. A moment later he breaks into a tentative smile.

"Okay, now that we have that all sorted out. Let's go grab some chicken and waffles!" I say, reaching up and pulling his hand. He gives me a weird look, "That's such a weird combination?"

There was no way he hadn't heard about it. "You don't know what that is?" I ask, incredulous. He shrugs, "Is it American food?"

I laugh, "I believe so. Now c'mon, let's get some food. I promise it is delicious."

--Time Skip--

Jin is working on his fifth waffle chicken sandwich and showing no signs of stopping. "I've been missing out! Oh mm, so good," he says with satisfaction. I smile at the sight of him eating away, it was delicious and I was eating much more than usual.

I was starting to begin my fifth bite but that was when the fear of the number on the scale came back. I put my sandwich down and grab my water instead. Jin notices, unfortunately.

"Yah, you didn't eat anything. Just a few bites!" he says. I shake my head, "I've already had a lot of food today." That wasn't a lie, I had more food today than I'd ever eaten since two years ago. I remember this morning when our manager had sent up plates and bowls of breakfast. Then, his assistant came up to check on us. It was a very strange morning.

Apparently, the manager felt that we were overexerting ourselves and we weren't eating enough. I had always seemed exhausted after one practice and the team grew worried. Only at BigHit that something like this would happen, I'd never known any entertainment studio that would have ever done that. Usually, it's the other way around.

I snap out of my thoughts and turn back to Jin. He looked at me, worried. I sigh, "Fine." I grab the sandwich and take a huge bite. It was delicious but it wasn't good, I was gaining weight.

"I don't know why but you don't eat much and I'm worried, Jinzie."

I look back at him accidentally catching his eye. A look of worry, a look so familiar. A wave of memories follow,

"You're going to get a cold!" Jin runs hurriedly after me.

We stand close, him bending down and me on my tiptoes. His lips are so close to mine, we're almost touching.

Soft lips.

Oh shit. Now I remember. Why did I remember? Oh no.

"Jinzie are you alright?" he asks again. I look down at my hands, "Sorry, I-". I take a deep breath trying to calm my heart that seemed to be beating out of control. All of my worries came back, I could get fired because I was being stupid. I could lose my career and it just started. Oh my god, oh, my god. I can't breathe, I can't-

Jin touches my hand and I look back at him, feeling steady for a moment. I focus on the warmth of his hand on mine.

I give him a small smile, "I'm okay." He smiles back at me and suddenly all of my worries have evaporated and was replaced with a new one.

No strings attached. No feelings, just friends. I replay the kiss scene in my head, hating how I enjoyed it when I shouldn't have. I feel his soft lips and the cold rain on me all over again. I feel nothing for Jin, we are just friends. He doesn't feel anything for me.

But he kissed me back.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for being so inactive. I've been really busy all week. But guess who just got a bunch of Kpop merch? Meeeee, I'm still super happy. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

Until Next Time,

Yi Jinzie 💋