A Little Too Much

"It Started With A Whisper"

Have you ever wondered what causes rumors? Not what you do... how the others react. Normally its the nerve in your brain called "inner-bitch" and when the nerve twitches, immediately, your entire body goes full bitch mode, spreading rumors as if it was an electron or a virus! Nothing you do or say changes what has already been passed. Soon the only thing you gain in school is a boost in unpopularity, and a sinking in your grades. The latter... because its all you can do to just sit on the cold tile floor and not cry, and not cut, and not contemplate arriving early at Heavens front gates...

My tag-along rumor started when Jacob Simfry came over, so I, the nerd, could do his work. He left looking pretty rough because him and my brother had been wrestling in the backyard. Of course, my snitch-bitch-neighbor-Kylie went off to Golden Falls High School (GFHS) and told everyone, as snitch-bitch-neighbors are hired to do, that Jacob and I.... well you know. I, in fact, very much dislike Jacob, as he is just a flat out jerk.

I say all this.. yet everything I say adds to the rumor. I say; hell nah. They say; your defiance is just you trying to protect your boyfriend, duh. Duh as if thats how the world works. Duh as if every moment I breathe, every moment I blink, every moment I live, I think of this made-up fantasy love-life. Made up is what it is. I have no feelings for anyone.. not even this wretched body I was born into. The wretched body I cut and scar...

Yeah I know its stupid. But you have to experience the pain I can suffer from, and still smile at my sister every morning- then you can call it stupid. But i bet your wrists are smooth. I bet you claim to have depression, to have days where all you want to do is die. Yes depressed people have days like that. But what differs, is that is our life. That is my waking moment; the moment I wish I never woke up, that when this day was over, I wouldn't awake tomorrow. Of course, though, it doesn't work that way, at least not for me. Wishing is all I can do right now. My mother has been in rehab for the past seventeen months, and my father had been long gone. My anchor in sanity? Zuri. Or at least she was.... she's my older sister, idol if you must- but only if you must.