Into the Woods (a Dragon Age fanfiction)

I Gotta Feeling

Jennie dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her eyes. The gesture was as much a delaying tactic as a stress relief; she wanted to gain some space between the moment she'd experienced with Fergus and whatever Anders's reaction to it would be. Despite the hints Isabela had been dropping and the occasional look she'd caught in Fergus's eyes, Jennie hadn't really believed he was attracted to her. At least, certainly not in any way an honorable man like Fergus would choose to act on. Jennie wasn't entirely naive—she'd heard enough to know that there were certain kinds of lust that were undeniable, that would make even honorable men slaves to their body's desires. But she had never been the object of such lust, nor had she ever expected to be. And now she was confused—did he want to sleep with her? Did he ... care for her?

She couldn't even begin to consider what her feelings might be in return. That she could still feel the imprint of his lips on hers was undeniable. She enjoyed being with him, and his smiles coaxed answering smiles out of her. But without knowing what it was that he wanted, Jennie was at sea. She didn't know what to expect, or how to respond, or ... She shook herself. There was no time for this right now, not with Anders hovering and no doubt getting entirely the wrong impression from her distress. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, really."

"I would never have expected the great Fergus Cousland to stoop to forcing himself on a woman," Anders said.

"He wasn't forcing himself on me," Jennie protested. She felt shy; she didn't really want to talk about this with Anders, or anyone. "He—I mean, I ..."

"That wasn't what it looked like to me." Anders's cool fingers captured Jennie's chin, and he looked down into her face. "I would never do that to you."

"Anders."

"No, don't stop me. I've wanted to say this for a long time now; I need to say it. None of the others mean anything to me. It's you I dream of, you I ache for. Jennie—"

Her name on his lips sounded strange; it had always been "Hawke" before. "Anders, no."

"What?"

"No. I mean, I'm sorry, but ... this isn't the right time." She'd regret that lie of omission later, Jennie knew. But he looked so crestfallen that she didn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't interested. What woman could be? she thought. No one could measure up to Justice's exacting standards, and no one could support the cause of mages strongly enough. Certainly Jennie didn't. She wanted mages to have the freedom to live their own lives, and not to have to be locked up and made Tranquil, but she wasn't prepared to kill anyone over it, or to be killed, and Anders didn't seem able to accept anything less than that.

He withdrew his hand. "I understand. Later ... after we're back in Kirkwall, may I speak with you again?"

"Yes, definitely." She meant that it would be better to talk then, when they had more time and more privacy, but from the encouraged, self-satisfied look on his face, she hadn't managed to convey that properly. "Anders, don't— I'm not exactly ... I haven't given much thought to this sort of thing," she said hastily.

"No, of course not. Your time in Kirkwall hasn't exactly lent itself—then again, whose has?" He smiled at her, one of his rare real smiles.

Jennie nodded, relieved. "Exactly. I need time to think about what I want."

"Understood."