The silhouette that stands beside me
Gets darker, and bigger each day
Everyday, each fight I have with this silhouette, it wins
I know I'm losing strength each day
I cry on pages of my notebook
Trying to express my feelings
I'm afraid
Afraid I will never be excepted by my friends
Afraid that my family will never help with this pain I hold in my chest
Afraid that one day I will hold another blade in my hand
And a wound, gushing blood each second
The world around me spinning
Until I crash
The happiness I once had as a 5 year-old kid is gone
You
My own mother made part of this happen
From hearing you scream "I love you!"
To a man that didn't even care
To a man that ruined my life
To a man that cheated on you many times
To a man that you "loved"
Yet you still believed he loved you
The fights you constantly had with this guy, started this all
To me and my siblings trembling in fear
In my room
On the phone with my grandma telling her the get us out of this place
The fear I had of you getting hurt or even killed from you drinking 24/7
Yet you, YOU did nothing
Nothing to help me
To help the 3 kids you "raised"
To a blade I grabbed once
Brought to my arm, and I began to cut
Because the pain I held was to much for me to handle
The times you call me over the phone only to yell
Put me in a worse place
To you calling my sister
Telling her your hungry
This is the reason I ignore your calls
The calls of you telling me I love you, to my brother and sister telling me to pick up the phone and to talk to you
NO
NEVER
Will I ever talk to you again
Will a mother ever call her own child "dumb" and "stupid"
NEVER
Cause if you raised me to be who I am today
You'd never tell me those words
I'm afraid
That this pain I hold will get so deep
That I may grab a rope
Wrap it around my neck and fall
Stop breathing
Because of my depression, the fear that it may get that deep
Mother I love you but you have to help me
