Who Is Brian Quinn?

If You're Real, Raise Your Hand...

Reggie swung through the door, his massive frame darkening the waiting room.

"Who are you?" clucked the attendant in white. She adjusted her glasses and leaned away from the tiny group huddled together, arguing.

Hiram called to his friend from where he sat.

Reggie smiled weakly as he approached.

"How'd you get here?" asked Hiram.

"Where are we?" asked Reggie.

Hiram shook his head, "Don't know. Maybe the afterlife."

Reggie nodded, "Yeah, that makes sense. I just got blasted through the head by an old coot with crazy eyes."

The attendant raised her nose at Reggie. "Excuse me. Name please." She clacked her pen on her clipboard.

"Reggie," he said.

"Hmm," she consulted her clipboard, then scowled. "There is no Reggie on my list. You're sure that's the right name. I'm starting to suspect you people are playing games with me. Listen, I'm not in charge here. I just do the bookkeeping. So if you could cooperate, things would go much smoother." She sniffled. "It's not like this is such a bad place. People die in dreams all the time. Perfectly normal."

"Sure," said Gary from behind her. "But that doesn't mean you die in real life. In waking life."

"Real life?" returned the attendant in white. "What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" retorted Nina.

"I'm talking about all of you people. When a character in a book dies in a dream they come here. The fictional character dream afterlife."

"Oh, so that's where we are," murmured Gary. "Fascinating."

Cody who had remained silent, now piped up, "So where's Dale? He must be here too."

Sitting on a folding chair on the far wall, Dale raised his hand. "I'm right over here you little prick," then turned back to his magazine.

"Dale," said the woman in white checking a name on her clipboard. "Glad somebody's cooperating." She smiled.

"But I'm not fictional," retorted Nina. "I've told you that."

"Oh, they all say that."

Hiram spoke to Reggie. "Where've you been? What happened? Did Madge come back?"

Reggie shook his head. "I don't know, I never made it back. Got caught in a sneak-hole and all hell broke loose. Got shot, twice. It was the girl, Miss Genevieve, sent the boy's body back," he looked at Cody. "I'm all mixed up," he said.

"What did you just say?" It was Nina. "Did you just say Genevieve?"

"I did," replied Reggie. "She hit me with her car and then tried to help me dump this guy's body in the river."

"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about with the river and all that, but you say you saw someone called Genevieve?"

"Yep."

"What'd she look like?" demanded Nina. "Describe her."

"Thin, pretty," began Reggie. "Dark hazel eyes and a wispy dress. Spoke like a ghost, like she wasn't thinking about what she was saying. Just sort of came out. And she was missing some fingers."

"Yeah, that's her," replied Nina. "That means Mannie and Karl will be close on her heels."

"Who?" chirped the attendant.

"Nothing," said Nina. "Look, I'm starting to get the feeling that there's been some kind of mix up." She leveled a red lacquered fingernail at the woman in white. "You need to figure out who's real and who's fictional, lady. Cause some of us are and some of us aren't."

"Aren't what?" said the attendant.

"Fictional!" cried Nina.

"Oh heavens, you're all fictional. But some of you may not be real," she eyed the group around her.

"Oh geez," sighed Nina. "Wait, you said your name is Reggie?"

"It is," he replied.

"But he's Reggie," she pointed at Cody. "He's the one on the cover of the book. The Lost World of Reggie. This is getting confusing. All right," she said. "Let's see a show of hands. If you're real, raise your hand. If you're from a book, don't raise your hand. Okay, go ahead."

Gary raised his hand. Cody did the same. Hiram began to raise his hand but stopped. Reggie raised a finger. Nina held her hand high. Several others seated nearby idly raised hands. The attendant clucked her tongue.

"No, no. Come on, be honest," moaned Nina. "You can't all be real. And you're definitely not real," she pointed at Cody.

He smiled and put his hand down. "You know," he said. "I just had a thought. What if some of us are neither. Aren't real, or fictional."

"I don't follow," said the woman in white.

"Well, what if someone's a character in a dream. Not a book. What if you're an extra in a dream. So you're not real, but you're not fictional either. What about that? Then where do you go when you die?"

"Not my concern," replied the attendant. "You people are causing a lot more trouble than you're worth. I'm calling the brute squad. They'll take care of you."