Ephemeral

skin and bones

i want to-

i want to tangle my hands in your hair, even if they got stuck i wouldn't mind, then i would have been a part of you at least once.

i want to hug you. because you look so fucking sad all the time.

i want to see you, because i keep looking for you even though i know you aren't there, and i'm beginning to hallucinate.

i want to cry. we can cry together, because i know that you're just as screwed as i am.

i want to hold hands with you, because i'm losing the feel of how your skin felt against mine and how warm you were.

i'm lonely and i need someone to hold my hand so tightly i don't feel the familiar knot in my throat and the burning sensation of tears behind my eyes.

i can still feel the warmth of your shoulder pressed against mine.

i want to smile. genuinely.

i want to laugh so hard that my lungs hurt and my cheeks ache.

you make my lungs hurt.

and i can't breathe.

i can still hear your distorted voice through my shitty phone speakers but i want to hear your voice raw and unfiltered.

and forgive me for being so selfish.

i want you to look at me.

only me.

but i know that's just my own selfish thoughts.

i'm so screwed and i must be stupid because i know this isn't love.

what is love to you anyways?

love doesn't exist at my age, the younger you are, it's just seen as foolish puppy love, though it feels so real at the moment.

you were my puppy love.

i want to kiss you.

so i can feel you pressed up against me and bathe in your warmth through your shirt.

so i know you exist and i'm not delusional.

you're so enigmatic and my eyes are constantly drawn to you.

i stare so much that i know you notice-

there's no way you couldn't.

i keep telling myself that i'll never tell you that i like you anyways.

because, number one: you probably already know.

number two: you don't like me.

i want to tell you that I am completely fucking mad for you.

and i want to scream because i'm going to forget you one day and one day you'll forget all about me, because this is just puppy love.

oh god i wished you loved me.

i want you to stop loving her.

but i know i can't control you.

you were never something easily toyed with.

i'm not that cruel to control you over some baseless void in my heart.

your soft honey eyes and your quiet soft words are all I can think of.

recently i've been losing myself because i'm losing you.

dedicated to: rosiebushes and cosmic-cherries