Ephemeral

lovesick

1:56 a.m

IT HAS BEEN around a year and a half since you left.

the thought of you does not constantly plague my mind anymore.

sometimes you pass through my thoughts for a fleeting moment, but most of the time i try not to think of you.

i hope i am getting over you.

when you stopped calling me it felt like my heart had completely stopped.

like you had ripped my heart out of my rib cage and stomped on it.

it had hurt immensely but i had expected it.

i hadn't known how much i had missed you until last month when i called you and you had answered with your usual laughter and a short hello, i hung up and sat on the bathroom floor to cry, it felt like you had forgotten about me completely.

while time had stopped for me it had felt like your time kept flowing, on and on.

i had felt like such a little bitch, crying on the bathroom floor, i wondered truly what in the world was wrong with me, what had you done that had made me like you like this, you shitty brat.

but just yesterday i had met someone who made my heart beat, i had missed the familiar noisy feeling banging in my chest, my heart had been strangely quiet since you left.

my eyes did not leave him for a second.

they just couldn't leave him.

my heart is an awfully wild being you see, so much so that it needs a cage to keep it from running to those i love.

i hope one day i stop loving you and start loving myself.

i hope one day someone else makes my heart beat so wildly it bursts out of its cage and continues to sound in my ears.

i hope you are happy right now and stay that way, after all, i had always liked your smile.

-from me to you