Beyond Normal

Chapter 3

“Do you still remember me, would you even care if I came back?” I said while I looked the picture of him I stole

As if what I do wasn’t evil enough, I added stealing to my list of sins.

April 6th, 2003

“She’ll be back” I whispered                     

August 17th, 2003

“She just needs more time she’ll be back” I said looking out the window to her tree finishing my sixth bottle today.

September 28th, 2004

“I lost her” I said while angry tears left a trail of fire on my cheek.

June 21st, 2005

I guess it was my turn to watch him. He never left the apartment except to make runs the local bar or the store about 15 miles away. Why didn’t he move? Was he hoping one day I would have a change of heart and come back? I guess he was right, because here I was sitting in the big oak tree that sat in the middle of LVVA’S private forest.  I tried to stay away really I did but that pull we had towards each other was too strong to fight anymore. He grew out his hair, he had facial hair I didn’t know he was capable of growing. He looked so old I knew he was about 32 but he looked so much older than that. I saw green and brown bottles all around his apartment. He was a drunk; the sweet shy man that watched me in sit in a tree for months was a drunk.  Did he become this way because of me?  Did leaving turn him into a despicable creature like myself? I didn’t want him falling in love with me for this reason. I ruined his life while he was still alive. I did everything I could to protect him; it’s his fault his life is the mess it is now. He let me down not the other way around. I left because I cared about him.

June 30th, 2005

I woke up this morning covered in sweat from my usual nightmare. But today I felt different I felt like I did all those years ago. Could it be? No I was fooling myself; I was probably still drunk from yesterday.  I dragged myself out of bed to start my daily routine. Grab the first bottle of the day then sit and wallow looking at that damn oak tree I should have chomped down. As I was walking to the window I couldn’t shake this feel of…familiarity? That’s the best word I could use to describe the feeling I had running through my body. I sat down in my usual seat and looked a crossed the yard to her tree. Only this time I saw the shape of a body sitting on one of the branches. Was my mind playing tricks on me? Or was she really back? I looked back to the tree and the figure was gone. Why was I fooling myself? She wasn’t coming back…ever. 

Later that day I felt her presence, I knew this feeling anywhere she was back and she was close by.

“What are you doing here?” I asked while I stumbled through my apartment. “Don’t ignore me! I know your there” I yelled. She walked away from her hiding spot and joined me in the living room. “Hi” she said quietly. I laughed “Hi? Hi, that’s all you have to say?”  I spat at her. “I’m sorry” she said still not meeting my eyes. “Try again” “What happened?” she asked slowly sifting her eyes to me. “You, you happened; you did this to me” I screamed at her. “No I didn’t! I tried to stay away from you, you wouldn’t leave me alone.” She yelled. “I never thought you would fall for me” “how could I not? Have you not seen yourself? Have you spent no time in that head of yours? I fell for you the moment I saw you in that damn tree.” I said taking a step closer to her. “Why didn’t you move? Leave this awful place! It obviously hurts you to be here, why stay?” she asked taking a step closer. “You always come back, sooner or later. This time just happened to be later” I told her. “Why did you come back? What’s left for you here?” “Something inside told me you might be here” she said moving closer to me. My jaw locked “I should’ve left years ago” “but you didn’t because you care about me!” she said once again taking a step in my direction.  “Cared, I cared about you…past tense” I corrected her. “You feel nothing for me?” she asked. 

“I haven’t felt anything since the moment you left” I told her. “I don’t believe you” she shouted at me. “You should” I said taking a step back. “You’re lying!” she told me. “Have I ever lied to you? You should go”  “No, not until you tell me the truth” she said standing her ground. “Fine, honestly I hate you; the very idea of you being here makes me hate you even more. My hate is the same burning intensity as a thousand suns” I paused regrouping my thoughts. “You left, you left me! You didn’t fight for us like I did” “I tried” she said interrupting my rant. “Not hard enough. And lastly I don’t think you ever cared for me you wouldn’t have left if you did. I hate you, satisfied?” I said breathing harshly. "yes" She said as she walked to me until she was inches from my face. I’ve never seen the expression her face held before. Her eyes bore holes through my soul and before I could yell at her to get out she kissed me. She tangled her cold hands through the mess that was my hair I grabbed her face between my hands before she could disappear. “I hate you” I told her between kisses. “I know” she responded. “You left me!” I said reminding her again. “I’m sorry” she said and she kissed me again. “Promise you’ll never leave again” I said against her forehead leaving a soft kiss on her temple. “I promise” she mumbled as she hid her face in the crook of my neck.

“I’ll never leave you again”