DEADLY DESIRES [D:C]

EIGHTEEN

•written by vanderwoods •

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"There's everything to like about you."

Her breath hitched the moment those words left his mouth. She glanced in his direction to see him staring intently at her with furrowed eyebrows, as if he couldn't think of a single flaw of hers no matter how hard he tried. She cleared her throat to ease the flustered feeling threatening to take over. She was speechless.

"I—What?" she whispered, wanting so badly to look away from him, but his dark eyes were addictive. She was slowly falling for them and him with every word of comfort he spoke to her. He always seemed to be there in her worst moments, crying with her. How could she not fall for his seemingly never-ending empathy for her?

"Why is me having feelings for you so hard to believe?" he questioned, and it was in that moment that she realized how close he was to her. Her mind began to panic at the closeness, overthinking his intentions. "You have no idea... what you do to me." His voice was low, and his breath could be felt upon her face. She was nearly positive that he planned to kiss her again; she hoped for it.

She looked down to his parted lips, desperately wanting to feel them against hers once again, but the feint trace of tears that previously went down her cheeks came to mind, making her back away from him. No. This wasn't appropriate. "S—Sorry." She was only just recently mourning her mother. Was he taking advantage of her? Don't overthink, she told herself. Akira isn't the type to use my emotional state for his own desires.

"What's wrong?" he asked her change of mood, but she simply shook her head.

"It's nothing." He stared at her, worried about the frown on her lips. He confessed, but she was distancing herself. "It's late—um, thank you for comforting me, but we should... we should go to bed."

She stood to head inside, but his hands gripped around her wrist, preventing her from moving any farther. She turned back to him to see his lips tilted downwards. "Why are you running from me?"

"I'm not."

"You are," was his automatic response to her denial. His hand wrapped around her wrist tightened to keep her in place. "Do you not like me or something?"

"That—That's not it," she admitted, awkwardly avoiding his gaze. She liked him perhaps a bit too much. She looked down at his hand.

"Then why?" he asked, slightly rougher than he had intended. He, frankly, felt rejected by her. Was this a rejection? The devilman part of him wanted to just take her as his without any hesitation, but the Akira side of him wanted to understand what she was feeling.

"I don't know," she said softly. She truly didn't. She liked him—that much she knew—but for some reason, she couldn't do it. There was something pulling her back.

"Is it because I'm a devilman?" The way he had said it ached her heart. Her eyes darted from his hands to his face, desperately wanting him to know that of course that wasn't it, but all she could do was open and close her mouth, unable to think coherently, let alone explain to him exactly what she was feeling. He took her silence as a yes, and slowly let go of her wrist. "I understand."

"Akira—"

"Who would want to be with a devilman?" he thought aloud and laughed humorlessly. He avoided looking at her face and stared at the ground, but all she wanted was for him to know that his assumption wasn't the case at all. "I'd only put you in danger," he reminded himself and added as an afterthought, "Just the fact that you know about me puts your life at risk."

"I—"

He stuck his hands into his pockets and decided that perhaps this was the time to go. "Don't try to spare my feelings, [y/n]," he said with a shrug, as if the rejection didn't affect him at all, even though it did. He turned around so that she couldn't read his facial features and started to walk away. She attempted to interrupt him and deny everything he has been saying, but he only kept on walking, making her feel even worse as he planned to leave. "I'm aware I've made you uncomfortable—"

She pushed away her fear and gripped onto the back of his shirt, preventing him from going any farther. "That is not what I'm saying at all!" she finally exclaimed, making him go silent at her sudden shout. Her breathing quickened the moment the words left her lips; there was no going back now.

"Then what are you saying?" he questioned after a short pause. He was almost hesitant to ask. The moment she grasped the item of clothing he tensed. He didn't move. He didn't know how to react.

"I—I don't care that you're a devilman," she admitted, clinging onto him. She didn't want him to leave her just yet, but she basically rejected him only minutes before. Did she deserve to be in his presence?

"You don't?" He was unsure whether or not to believe her. Him being a devilman was pretty big. How could she not mind? Though, her words eased him a little bit, and he finally found the courage to turn back around and face her.

"Of course I don't." She stuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Then what is the problem?" he asked something she was also wondering herself.

What was the problem? She liked him, whether he was a devilman or not. Why the hell couldn't she just give in to her desires and fall completely for this boy without any moments of hesitation? Was she scared of being hurt, of him leaving her? Or did the thought of someone loving her back frighten her to the core?

It was a yes to all three of them. She lifted her eyes to look into his, which were impatiently waiting for a response to something she couldn't even admit to herself. "I don't think I'm ready."

He nearly scoffed at her vague answer. "I'm not asking to fuck you senseless, [y/n]. I just want to be with you. What is there to be ready for?"

She stared at him with horror at his vulgar words. How could he say that with a straight face? The previous dream of hers flashing through her mind definitely didn't help with the heat rushing through her face.

"I—I don't know!"