Reality's Blade

Chapter 26: Counselling

Takahashi sat on a step behind me and waited patiently until I had stopped bawling enough to pull myself together. I wiped the moisture off my face with my sleeve and sniffed hard, trying to regain my ability to breathe normally. My chest was still racked with the occasional sob but I felt fractionally better having cried it out somewhat.

"Come on you." Takahashi stood up and motioned for me to join him upstairs.

I trailed after him, wondering what was going to happen.

"Have a seat." He instructed as he went to the kitchen, then came to join me in the living room area with two teas in small cream porcelain cups, which he placed down carefully on a table between us.

"Welcome to Takahashi's counselling. You can talk as much or little as you like, I'll listen and give you advice at the end if you'd like it." Takahashi explained briefly and concisely as he took his seat.

I stared into my cup of tea and attempted not to think about all the nights I had spent with Hikage drinking tea across a campfire, back when things were peaceful.

"What's bothering you? Friend problems? Boyfriend problems?" Takahashi encouraged gently after a while, sipping thoughtfully at his tea.

"Friend." I managed eventually, gritting my teeth and struggling to speak or breathe over the hard lump that was constricting my throat.

"Did you fall out?"

"Not exactly." I mumbled, deliberating quite what it was that had happened.

I'd just up and left, we hadn't really argued so was it a falling out? Although from Kazehiro's sullen reaction this morning maybe he was annoyed with me.

"I..." I couldn't tell Takahashi that I'd felt murderous intent for my friend in a game, it was outrageous. I needed to weave a story that'd make sense in the real world.

"I said something stupid to my friend. I was worried I'd upset them so I just stopped talking to them, so I wouldn't hurt them anymore."

"Did you know for sure you'd upset them?"

I shook my head. In fact Hikage had wanted to help, he didn't seem at all bothered by what had happened. Why did he act like everything was just fine? It didn't make any sense.

"So without knowing whether they were upset or not, you suddenly stopped talking to them. How do you think that made them feel?"

I felt my frustration rising, I could see the point Takahashi was making but he couldn't understand. It wasn't a matter of hurt feelings, it was a life or death situation.

"Sometimes we decide what we think is best for other people, but it's not always what they want." Takahashi calmly explained.

Hikage's words came back to me, he had told me not to decide it by myself. I felt like a blade had been thrust through my chest and was now slowly being turned.

"Here's my advice. I think you should talk to that friend and find out whether you hurt them or not. You can apologise, and they might forgive you for acting rashly and coming to your own conclusion. They might not. But I have a feeling they're waiting for you, they don't want you disappearing out of their life, so I'm sure they'll forgive you." Takahashi concluded.

I sighed, feeling a weight settle on my shoulders. He was right, I would have to face Hikage sooner or later. Hikage had told me he could help, but I had ignored him and run. I hadn't trusted him to help me. After all that we'd been through and the secrets he'd entrusted me with it must have hurt more than anything that I didn't believe in him. Then to top it off, I was going to leave him alone and break our promise. I was such an idiot.