Inhumane - A fictional story by Joy

Prologue

It was that very night —  when I felt completely used, betrayed, worthless, and naive. He accused me, degraded me, inhumanly ate at my self worth; slowly made me dependant on what he thought of me. I remember the constant love he brought to my life, as if he was in love with me. It's ironic, how quickly your perspective can change on someone. The feeling of not being able to do anything, like a black hole swallowing words —  slapping me back to reality. Once I did, I
was able to differentiate lust and love. How can you possibly treat someone who you claim to love, like nothing? Like some sort of punching bag; humiliating daily, mocking, laughing at, taunting— I'm in loss of words to describe him, except one thing: inhumane. I realized it was lust, not love, when I only mattered to him behind closed doors. He reassured I was his princess, yet told the crowd I was a tramp. To think he was brilliant, his jobs were always sloppy. Sloppy enough that I was able to see his true colors. Too many times he flipped around our arguments, swiftly enough that I couldn't keep up— so,  I believed his words. I kept playing numerous scenarios, trying to understand his mind. Knowing how impossible it was, I kept blaming myself. I kept trying, yet I failed again, and again. None of the scenarios I could come up with made any sense. How can you blame yourself, when you're not the problem? I was in complete denial. Denial, because I didn't want to come in terms with the fact that, this was his true self, a sadistically insane man. There were times where I was completely lost, and he would laugh at my face. I remember his cold hands, gasping my chin, lifting it up and laughing. He would beg me to cry even more. Once i would, he would yell at me. He would tell me he's sick and tired of my crying. Most of the times, I believed there was something wrong with him. He would come up with such crazy stories that never even happened. When he would try to explain the stories, they never lined up. This one time, I caught him cheating. It was our anniversary, and he took out a girl to dinner. I wasn't so sure until another friend told me. He asked if he could come over, but knowing he cheated, I couldn't say yes. When he asked what was wrong, I told him, "I hope your dinner was great. Thought it was supposed to be you and I, but maybe anniversaries aren't a big thing anymore." He tried lying, typical. His response was comical, "I was joking, I told your friend to see if he was loyal to me, but I guess not." I laughed. How can you keep living a lie? I ended up saying that his joke was messed up. Behind my mind, I knew the truth, but i played along. My loving man responded with, "I did cheat on you though, isn't that funny?" Was I upset? No. Was I hurt? No. Was I angry? No. I felt as if a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders. As bad as it may sound, I Was actually glad. I knew that it was the end between us, or so i thought. I was internally screaming out of Joy. My response was dry. I told him I had to practice my flute, that I would see him tomorrow. Minutes later, he says, "You actually thought I would do this to you? Wow. My girlfriend doesn't even understand my humor. You probably never even loved me, but I see. I gave it my all." He loved played the victim. He loved putting the blame on me. He loved making me feel guilty. He loved trapping me in his prison, making me his prisoner. Hell doesn't describe what I went through with him. What I went through with him, was out of this world. It was like nobody could hear or see his true self, but me. I was the only one who had the power to see his true colors. He drained me, like a bee drains a flower. I was the vibrant sunflower, while he was the yellowjacket. I was the book he would close whenever he wanted. I was the console he would turn off whenever he got bored. Now that I look back, I realized my body knew before my mind did— how inhumane he is. From wanting to look at him in the eyes, getting butterflies, and blushing, it turned into awkwardness. I would get this rush that would blast through my entire body. I would get chills and feel uncomfortable.  At the moment, I was baffled. I had no idea why I felt this way, but now I do. He sucked the Joy and self -love I had, like evaporation sucks the rain from Earth. I was at my lowest with him. I can truthfully say, that it was the lowest I have ever been. There was no way of escaping. There was no way of going down a different path. I couldn't. I wasn't able to be my own self. He would say I wasn't good enough. Throughout our entire relationship, he would throw, "you just were never enough."  It got to the point where I believed him.

                                 //

My life started crumbling. It started slipping through my fingertips, no matter how hard I tried to grasp it. It kept being swallowed, by the vast emptiness I've become. The thing is, I later realized I was too good for him.
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