Life of a high schooler

Another day

Yet another day of school.
It was our first day back from the holidays and it's safe to say I was not pleased to know I was entering my hell.
Everyday I walk through these rusty blue gates and it never gets easier, I look up as I walk through the gates with the sun rise blinding me through the tall green trees that have over grown during our time away.
I see everyone in there groups, laughing, running around but all I can concentrate on is trying to walk straight, making sure my hair looks okay, making sure I'm not making a fool of my self (which I feel like I do often).

Walking through the court yard hurrying to the library without having a panic attack Feeling like everyone is watching me, judging me. My damn anxiety always has the better of me.  I finally get to the library where I am often found, or not in this case.
I usually hide at the back where it is closed off from all students, where I can think straight, where I feel safe.
This was a constant thought for me though I was never always like this, it just takes one person or a group to push you off the edge except I'm still falling and I feel like I will never land nor recover.

Class bell rings

I finally snap out of my thoughts as I make my way down the hall, avoiding all eye contact of course and finally swiftly entering the class room and sitting in my sit.
I'm currently in maths, not my favourite subject! I sit next to a girl her names Emily, she's the energetic type which kind of helps me boost my confidence as she doesn't know my past so I feel like I can start fresh though thoughts rush through my mind.
We make small conversations complaining about maths or comparing our work but never personal, I can't put myself through another friendship it will just ruin me.

A few hours go by

School has finally finished and I'm now sat on the bus going home which would take an hours ride, this was normal routine for me. I never stop for anything I go to school I learn I leave, no risks!
I put my earphones in to drown out the noise of school kids gossip and stare out the window, this is when I feel most free. No one to talk to, no judgments of my music taste and just the world to observe.
Here I can think back on what happened today, did I do everything alright, did I fit in, am I "normal" yet?

I finally get home to be greeted with my cat, chores and coursework. It's never ending...
Again, this is my routine it's basic but it's me.

Though I say my routine is basic, my past is not and neither am I...