The Trench

Chapter 57 - Food For Thought

Remember when I shared the quote from Francis Bacon? The first time I heard that was when I was talking to my grandfather when I was nine and it's been with me ever since.

I was sitting on the swing in my backyard while he sat on the picnic table beside me, whittling a stick with his pocket knife when I started complaining about a girl from class.

"She stole my notebook, pop-pop. I'm gonna get mine back AND take hers too!" I declared determinedly as I swung higher, my blonde ponytail trailing in the wind behind me. I heard him take a deep breath as he looked at me, eyes full of wisdom and a small smile on his face as he put his project on the table.

"A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green." He said contentedly as he folded his hands in his lap, watching me swing.

My face turned into a frown as I stopped pumping my legs, the swing slowed down and I set my feet down on the dirt. I remember looking at him and cocking my head to the side, confused as he smiled wider, wrinkles creasing beside his eyes.

"The term green means new. Like a young tree or an un-started horse, they're green. As long as you still have vengeful thoughts, the wound is still open and new, it's still green. It's able to turn a man into someone else completely, revenge can. It's a devilish thing." He shakes his head, his white hair blowing slightly in the wind and his bushy eyebrows are low over his eyes.

"But my notebook..." I whined but he takes one crooked finger and wags it at me stopping my plea mid sentence.

"You have every right to be upset, stealing is wrong, but it will come back one way or another. It always does. That doesn't give you the right to take hers too, you have to stand up for yourself , but you need to be a good person in the process.You go get your notebook back, and then you forgive and forget. You'll live your life much happier that way." He folds his hands in his lap once more as he watched me process his words, nodding solemnly before running up and giving him a hug.

I don't remember anything else other than that, but that was enough. The memory was forever engraved in my mind and I tried my hardest to live my life by his wisdom after he passed. I forgave my ex-boyfriend for his inability for a monogamous relationship, I forgave Austin when I thought he had accidentally caused the fire and Hallows death.

Over time, I guess I'll try to forgive Mae as well.  As hard as it seems at the moment.

You never know how strong you are until you have to forgive someone who isn't sorry, and accept an apology you'll never receive.

I glance over the dark field from my position beneath the tree, the air is still and the only light is coming from the stars and the moon. I take a small sigh and glance to my right at the cross nailed to the tree beside me and I lightly graze my fingertips over it. As I do I feel fingers intertwine with my left hand.

Austin is staring up at the stars, sitting here with me as I think and giving quiet comfort. His hand is warm as it covers mine and I smile, giving his hand a small squeeze.

From our seat near Hallows grave, on the top of the hillside, we watch silently at the world sleeping below us. At that moment I felt the weight of the world fall from my shoulders onto the dewy grass below me. I felt peace, I felt relief, I felt whole...

And I close my eyes and embrace it.