The Trench

Chapter 16 - Acrophobia

The ride to our first destination was long; Portland was almost 2 hours from Bangor so we had plenty of time to talk.

For a while after we left Austin talked non stop about his car, who he named Veronica. He bought her from the original owners when he was 21 and spruced her up to his liking. I learned most of the interior is original, but a good amount of the motor and transmission had to be rebuilt.

As he talked about Veronica his voice changed, he talked at a slightly higher pitch and spoke faster. So this is his thing; cars. Not a big surprise most guys like cars, but he actually restored this thing himself so that's pretty impressive. I caught myself thinking how adorable he looks while talking about horsepower and torque ratios.

I also learned the car used to be cherry red with the bold white stripes down the center, as I had guessed. He had it repainted to a dark navy blue which I also learned was his favorite color, second favorite is burnt orange. When he told me that I scrunched my nose, burnt orange is like my LEAST favorite color. Even brown ranks higher.

We enter Portland and I take in the sights of the city, it really is a beautiful place. Although, since I've moved to Maine I haven't seen anywhere that isn't gorgeous.

"Close your eyes." I turn my attention from my window and look at Austin who is grinning at me mischievously.

"Why? It's still a surprise when we pull up to wherever it is we're going."

He just shakes his head and gives me a stern look.

I sigh in defeat, "You know, I am a very stubborn person and usually never let anyone tell me what to do. But since you're taking me out you get this ONE." I emphasize the one and put my hands over my eyes as we pull away from the stoplight, I hear him chuckle.

About five minutes later I feel us pull in somewhere and he shuts the car off. I hear him get out and my door opens, he instructs me to keep my eyes closed and to trust him, and takes me by the hands and leads me forward.

We enter a building with bright lighting; I can hear lots of talking and laughing that sounds echoed so I'm assuming we're in a large area of sorts. Austin sits me down on a bench before walking away, I hear him talking quietly to someone and I fight the urge to peak.

"We're all set!" Austin says excitedly and grabs my hands pulling me up again, taking me through a doorway.

"Great, so I can open my eyes now?" Without him answering I open my eyes and take a look at my surroundings.

We are standing right in front of the tallest rock wall I've ever seen and my stomach drops right out my ass.

Indoor rock climbing.

"Jesus Christ." Austin grins at me as he's pulling on his harness, wrongly interpreting my misuse of the fathers name as excitement or awe.

The wall is roughly 35 feet tall; one side is brown and lumpy imitating a natural rock wall. The other side is grey and slick with an occasional bulge in the wall, but has a bunch of multicolored hand and foot holds.

Just imagining climbing all the way to the top makes me nauseous and lightheaded.

As I'm standing there I'm trying to decide which way I'm going to embarrass myself. Do I pretend to get my period? Do I just run out like a madman? Do I crumble in a pile and cry?

As I'm contemplating my decisions a man comes up with my harness and introduces himself as my instructor. I can feel my panic building and I don't even catch his name.

"Let's get it on!" Austin hollers a few moments later and jumps on the wall. He's already in his harness and connected to the support rope with his instructor on the end in case of emergency. The instructor is giving him some kind of crap as Austin laughs down at him, and I get the impression he comes here often.

"He's climbing that wall like a damn spider monkey." My instructor laughs as he watches him. "Alright hun, you're all harnessed in. Have you ever done this before?"

"Uhm, no not really." I manage to squeak out.

Way to be confident, loser.

He rattles off my instructions and I walk to the base of the wall and put my hand on the first hold. I feel the slack in my support rope tighten as my instructor prepares for me to ascend.

Well, here goes nothing. I guess I'm gonna die today.....

I shake my head and try not to think about anything else but climbing. The climbing part is easy due to already being in decent shape and I pull myself up higher, focusing on only where to put my hands and feet.

As I reach up to grab my next hold, my right foot slips and my stomach lurches at the sudden drop. My eyes widen and I panic, grasping for my previous hand hold before bringing my foot back to its original place.

My body gets hot and I break out into a cold sweat, I'm clinging to the wall trying to slow my breathing and I make the one mistake I told myself I wouldn't do.

I look down.

I'm over halfway up this mother; I didn't even think I had been climbing very fast. I plaster myself closer to the wall and lean my cheek against the cool texture. My palms start getting sweaty and slippery and my legs start to shake.

Oh god, no no no no. I can't do this, I can't move.

"Riley! You okay?" I hear Austin calling to me and I look up. He's already done and sitting on the top ledge looking down at me with a concerned look on his face.

Breathe Riley, just breathe. Calm THE FUCK DOWN.

But I can't, I can feel myself spiraling into a bull blown panic attack and I can't seem to stop it. I try the breathing techniques my doctor instructed me to use but for some reason I can't remember how to do them correctly.

I can feel my whole body start to shake and my skin is slick with sweat. My vision is getting blurry and I clamp my eyes shut and try to focus on my breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth. But I can't breathe properly, it feels like my lungs are being restrained and my chest hurts. Involuntary tears start to form in my eyes and I try to blink them away as I hear my instructor hollering something at me I can't make out over the rushing sound in my ears.

"Riley, just let go! Micah will catch you and lower you down." Austin calls from above me; I'm assuming Micah is the instructor. I glance over my shoulder at him down below me and there's several people just standing and staring at me.

Fat chance I'm letting go of this wall.

I try and lower my feet down to the next hold, maybe I can just back my way down. But I can't seem to make my limbs cooperate with me.

And that was the moment I realized I'm stuck.