I Love You || Grayson Dolan Fanfic

Chapter 16

I look at his beautiful face, and I hug him again. Wrapping my arms around him, and burying my face in his neck. He hugs me back tightly, and I feel like crying.

"You have no idea how much I missed you..." I say in a whisper.

"I missed you too. So much." I start to feel guilt building up in my stomach, and spreading through all of my body. I start crying. He pulls away and looks at my face with his brows furrowed.

"Haley, what's wrong?" He asks.

I feel like absolute bullshit. No wait, I am bullshit.

"I-I don't know if I want to tell you this because I don't want to ruin what we just fixed." I continue to cry and I look away from him.

"Please tell me, Haley." He says grabbing my face and making me look at him.

"I-I-I kissed... I kissed Ethan." I say. Gray let's go of my face and takes a step back. He looks so fucking hurt and pissed off at the same time.

"You kissed my fucking brother!?" He yells, throwing his hands up in the air then letting them fall back to his sides.

"I couldn't help myself. I had never given him a chance, and I felt bad because he had just broken up with Meredith and I was so confused. I wanted to feel something besides emptiness. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do because I didn't know if I still loved you." I burst into tears again. His expression seems to soften a bit, but he still looks fucking pissed.

"So, that kiss didn't mean anything to you?" I hear from behind me.

Please god, please let it not be Ethan. Please, please, please.

I turn around and see Ethan.

"Yes," I look from Ethan to Grayson, "I mean no," I look back at Ethan,"Maybe...." I run my hands through my hair and look down at the floor.

I fucked up so bad.

"I'm just so fucking confused." I look at Gray. "I love you, so much, you have no idea." I turn to look at Ethan. "But then I've never given you a chance, sometimes I feel like I could love you, and maybe sometimes I do." I look down at the floor, wiping away my tears, but it's pointless because I just keep crying.

"Haley, you just can't fuck with our minds and tell us you love us, then go and tell the same thing to the other person," Gray pauses. "You have to pick one of us." He finishes. They both stare at me, waiting for my decision.

"That's the thing, I don't know who to pick" I say in a whisper, and I continue to look at the ground.

"Well we can't just sit around and wait for you to make up your mind. We have to move on." Ethan says, then walks into his room and slams the door. Gray stands there for a couple of seconds, then he does the same.

I just lost both of them, it's all my fault.

I bury my face in my hands and just sob my eyes out. I cry so much to the point were I run out of tears. Even then I continue to cry. I eventually tire myself out and fall asleep on the couch.

*Morning*

I'm woken up by the sound of the front door closing. I get up and look out the window and see Gray and Ethan driving away.

I rub my eyes and walk to the bathroom. I close the door behind me and look at myself in mirror. My eyes are really puffy and my hair is a mess. I have dried tears all over my face, and I don't even care. I turn the water on and splash my face with cold water to wake myself up. I head back to my room and grab a sweatshirt and put it on.

I honestly don't give a shit about how I look today. I won't even put some makeup on.

I put my hair up in a messy bun and grab my phone, keys, and backpack then walk out to my car.

*Skip car ride*

I walk through the doors of the school, then head for my locker. On the way there I stop in my tracks. My heart, that was slowly getting better, brakes again. I see Grayson making out with Madison, and this time I know for sure that he's not drunk.

He has her pushed up against the lockers, squeezing her ass. Ethan has his arm around this girl, cheering Gray on. Madison sees me standing there, and gives me this devilish look, I swear to god that she could be a demon. I slowly start to back up, before Ethan or Gray could see me, then I run out of the school and to my car. I don't cry, I don't react, I just drive home.

I didn't think they would move on so fast.

I arrive home, and I don't even close the front door. I head straight for the bathroom without thinking. I grab my phone from my back pocket and go to the group chat I had made a while ago with Ethan and Gray.

Me:
I love you guys so much, and I want you guys to remember that even when I'm gone. I have decided to do this because I just can't live without both of you. Even though you both have hurt me in the past, I have learned to love you and trust you. You both had made me the happiest I've been in so long, you made me feel confident being myself. I didn't have to be someone I'm not for once. I didn't have to fake a smile to hide my sadness, because you guys actually made me smile with your stupid jokes and dumb faces. But my life is meaningless without you guys in it. The only reason I hadn't done this sooner is because I wanted to be with you both for another day. You guys were the reason why my heart was still beating. But I know that you guys don't feel the same way, and that brakes my heart. So this is the last goodbye, and remember that I love you guys, even if I won't be around to tell you.

I hesitate, then just press send. I turn off my phone and set it down on the sink. I look up at myself in the mirror, and see that I'm crying. I hadn't even noticed.

I look absolutely disgusting.

I then get on my knees and open the cabinet. I grab the box of razors that I'm so familiar with and take one out. I slowly get up, then I lock the bathroom door. I run by finger on the tip of the blade. I burst out sobbing as reality finally hits me in the face.

They don't love me anymore. I don't love myself. I can't live without them.

I take off my sweatshirt and it throw somewhere in the bathroom. I slowly bring the blade down to my arm.