Dear Mr. Nobody

n i n e t e e n

Dear reader whom is reading (for some unknown reason),

life has again changed since the last letter.

Ry and I adopted a cat in the time span-- A beautiful tri- colored tabby named Elsa. I have custody, since my name is on her paperwork. 

  Ry, the nickname given to the man who got me out of the ditch the night before prom, sleeps alone once again. together for almost 2 years, we moved around a few times, got a small studio apartment, and upgraded to a 1B.   that is to make that an extremely short version of the years leading up to now. It wasn't a bad relationship at all, I just felt that we were plateaued. I felt that mentally I was starting to regress, and sought out ways to alleviate the pains. I found comfort with reconnecting with high school besties as well as making new ones.

Sans, as he became nicknamed, was at an anime convention I attended with some friends. I could immediately tell that he was a pure and kind soul. we became friends and continued to chat after the 3 day convention had ended. Ry, however, did not like him. He was very confrontational about me hanging out alone with him, or even in a group setting. now, i know what most of you are thinking: " he didn't trust you and obviously is trying to tell you that that he is uncomfortable with you and other males". Now, I would agree except i am 90% lesbian. I don't see genders of new friends as a valid reason to yell hysterically and throw things. Long story short, the arguing escalated for weeks. not once, mind you, did he ever physically hurt me. but the words he spewed were reckless... to the point that I ended our relationship and moved out within 2 weeks. I have moved from a tourist town the capital of our state. I'm on the city's outskirts so it isn't too bad, although it is 2 hours away from the life I once lived. i have made many lovely and overly supportive friends.

I chose happiness over stability. i knew the situations i face now were going to happen if i left. I knew i couldn't go blow $40 at the thrift store if i was feeling down, or get ice cream whenever i pleased. but if that's the only things that were making me "happy", then why stay? I wasn't emotionally fufilled. buying me food and cute plushies is nice, but it isn't enough to heal my wounds any further. i don't feel like staying somewhere where my success is to be pointed at someone's wallet with a neon sign that reads  I AM THE REASON FOR YOUR SUCCESS, NOT YOU.

screw that  I AM the reason to my success, and my supportive and loving 'framily' is the will behind it. i will never bow down to a man saying that i should be home to comfort him when he returns from work, to never be loved on or pleased.

there have been interesting family events, such as my parents getting divorced and putting the house we built up on the market.   my father is back to his antics-- the latest being he tried to run both brothers and the eldest's girlfriend off the road... going 80ish. although I am relieved to be far away from the drama, I feel horrible for leaving my younger brother to manage it alone. the other brother has helped a great deal, and i feel very grateful. 

now i sit here nursing a post- wisdom teeth op sans. we have been dating for almost 4 months (judge if you will) I am a lot happier here than i have been in years.

thanks for sticking around through my rambles

as always, still growing,

x, Me