Before Death

Where was Luke.... how could he do this? My heart ached for him and all I wanted was him here with me right now holding my hand and telling me it's going to be alright.

My hand reached for the door as I got out of the big black car we were driven here in.

My dad gave me a sympathetic look and I could tell he was trying to hold back his tears. I gave him a tiny smile resurring him that it was going to be okay.

My body felt weak and all I could think of was why? Why did it have to happen to someone that was so caring, so lovely?

I got snapped out of my thoughts when my dad put his arm around me as we walked to the big huge doors of the church.

I kept my head down as I walked because I knew that if I looked up then I would break and burst into tears.

"Honey... Calum is over there" My dad tapped on my shoulder making me look up.

Calum was talking to his mum as he spotted me and frowned, he shook his head as if it say sorry. He mouthed a 'are you okay?'

I just sighed and ran my fingers over my tear stained checks.

'no' I whispered back knowing that he couldn't hear me.

Everyone began to take their seats.

But I was stood there frozen as realisation took over my mind.

She is in that coffin.

She's dead.

And she's never coming back.

I flashed back into reality as someone beside me coughed to get my attention. Everyone was staring at me. I awkwardly walked down the aisle with peoples faces watching me as I sat right in the front row.

My eyes wondered around the church to a stain glass window which had the sun glaring through.

It was Jesus on the cross as Mary kneeled down beside him. I couldn't help but to stare at it.

I am the Mary

Watching as my mum suffered, trying her best to be strong and make it through this.

"Now I invite Allannah Young and Timothy Young to say a few words" The priest said snapping me back into reality. My dad grabbed my hand as we both walked up to the microphone.

As we walked past I put my hand on the coffin.

My mums lifeless body was in there. I could see the silhouette of her figure and my body shivered.

"Come on Allannah" My dad said as his voice cracked from crying.

I was speaking first.

My hand was shaking and I was trying to hold back my tears as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a piece of scrunched up paper trying to flattern it out.

At first my voice was numb like I couldn't remember how it speak.

"M-my mum was my hero, she always took on life like-" The door at the back slammed shut with a bang.

Everyone in the church turned in their seats and started muffling words to one another.

The blonde boy walked in and sat himself down at the back.

Luke.

I was taken a bit off guard. Why is he here?

"My mum was my hero..." I continued.

"She fought so hard these past years and..."

By the time I was finished I was trying so hard to speak though my voice was breaking.

Everyone in the church had tissues masked to their faces and were crying.

Throughout the whole funeral I felt guilt. I felt like I was the reason she's in that coffin now and why everyone is here in this church at this very moment.

Cancer isn't something that you wish upon someone. I just wish that I could take everything back.

My eyes focused on that stain glass window once more before the ceremony was over.

Thinking about how Mary felt as she watched Jesus be killed slowly and painfully.

I was the only one still in the church now, I couldn't go outside and watch my mum being taking away by a car it made me feel sick.

I was away in my thoughts when I felt something next to me.

"Allannah..." I turned to see Luke sitting beside me.