It's Just Like Meeting On Tinder (South Park)(Stenny)

(8)

"Hello, welcome to City Wok, may I take your order?"

"Kenny, can we... talk?"

"I'm sorry, tall hot blonds aren't available at this time."

"It's important."

Kenny looked at the time on a clock mounted on the wall, before facing him again. Kyle sat there, no hat this time, with what looked to be pajamas on. If it weren't for his coat, Kenny could've been fooled into thinking that he just rolled out of bed like that.

"Inside or outside?"

"Whatever's convenient."

Kenny sat down across from him, dropping the pen and paper in front of them. Kyle was the only other customer there, but he still slouched, just in case he would get caught taking a break.

"What's up? You didn't bring your buds here."

"They wouldn't want to come. Trust me."

"Okay? What's up?"

Kyle twisted his thumbs around.

"I... saw you hanging out. With Stan. Yesterday."

"Yeah?"

Kyle winced.

"How's he doing?"

"He's, uh- great. Doing great."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's- that's great. Fantastic. I'm happy for him."

"Why'd you ask?"

"I, uh... well, I missed him. So does his ex, but... mostly me."

"And?"

He pursed his lips.

"I was hoping you could talk to him for me."

After Stan snapped at him only a week ago, they weren't really on speaking terms. Kenny apologized over text just the night after, for him and for Karen, but that shit didn't even get a response. And now Kyle was here, asking him to talk Stan about a subject that was obviously uncomfortable for him to talk about?

"I can't do that."

Kyle pursed his lips and paused. After some silence, he leaned back.

"I was his Best Friend, you know."

Kenny looked at him, gaze slowly forming into a glare.

"Best friend."

"Super Best Friend." Kyle assured, "basically inseparable."

"Yeah, well, I'm his BFF now. If you want to talk to him, then you should do it yourself, 'cause I sure as hell won't."

"Kenny, come on." He pleaded.

"It's not my place." Kenny barely knew the guy, "I shouldn't get involved."

"He won't talk to me!"

"That's not my problem, now is it?"

Kyle's eyes narrowed.

"He told you."

Kenny could only assume what 5he meant.

"It was brought up in conversation."

He sighed through his nose.

"What did he say?"

"Not much."

"Let me guess-" Kyle stared up at the ceiling, thinking, "He came to you, crying, talking about how all of his friends left him, and how he's lonely now or... some bullshit."

Kenny gritted his teeth, "Yes."

"Wow." Kyle sighed, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but- you're being played, McCormick."

"What?"

"He hasn't pulled that card in years," Kyle muttered.

"Card, what card?"

They locked eyes.

"You've been to the guy's house, haven't you?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Then wake up, dumbass! His life isn't bad- he's just doing it for sympathy!"

"I don't think you have any right to say that."

"Rich, coming from someone like you." When Kenny didn't respond, he leaned forward, "You can look me, a friend of his for 12 years, dead in the eyes and tell me that his life is exactly as he put it? He exaggerated nothing?"

"I-"

"He told the sob story when he first met, huh? Guess what- it's not the first time he's done that."

Kenny blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"I told you, dude, he does it for sympathy. Goes up to random teenagers at our school, and tells them that story to get more attention. To get everyone to feel bad for him. When he started drifting away, we asked if he was okay multiple times and checked up on him, only to find him telling that same story to his fucking girlfriend behind our backs."

When Kenny remained silent, he continued.

"When she confronted us, we explained the situation, and she told us something he told her. The story was different. He- well, to our knowledge- he said it to a lot of our other friends to try and get them on his side. It's- it's been a couple years. I thought he stopped doing that shit by now, so I walked over to try and hang out with him, but... Then you were there." He sighed, "I'm sorry you had to fall for that. Seriously- If I would've known that he manipulated you like that..." Kyle let out a shaky breath of his own, "I'm so, so sorry."

Kenny glared at him.

"You're lying."

"I'm not. I- I have to go. I changed my mind about wanting to talk to him again."

Then he left him, head in his hands, lightly tugging his hair.

Stan
It's Kenny
I think we need to talk
Sent at 10:20 AM