trigger warning; this chapter deals with themes of suicide.
i pulled open the door to the small shop, hearing the small jingle that rang everytime the door opened. the cashier looked over and gave a small nod of acknowledgment before going back to whatever he was doing.
i made my way from the store, heading over to the medicine aisle. i shuffled my feet against the tile floor, reading each sign until i came to the aisle. i gazed through the labels until i found the bottle of pills i was looking for. sleeping pills. i grabbed two bottles, just in case. i started to walk out of the aisle, but when i turned the corner, i almost fell from the impact of running into someone.
"oh god, i'm so sorry," the other person said. it sounded familiar, but i hadn't talked to anyone in months.
"it's fine," i mumbled, turning to leave.
"wait, yeri?"
i slowly brought my eyes up to see who this wall of a human was. oh no.
"jungkook."
"hey," he smiled. "i haven't seen you in a while."
i shrugged. "guess i've been busy with school."
"you doing alright? i heard what happened," he says softly, obviously trying not to strike a nerve.
"yeah, it's whatever. it happened months ago and i'm over it," i brushed it off, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.
he gazed down at the two bottles in my arms, giving me a questioning look.
"i can't sleep."
he nods, although he doesn't seem to believe it.
"you know i'm always here for you, malgeumi." he said, using his special nickname for me.
i nodded, although the thought when through one ear and out the other.
"i, um, i have to get going. it's been good talking to you. goodbye, jungkook."
"oh, yeah. goodbye, yerim."
i shuffled around him and head to the counter to pay for my pills, feeling his gaze on me the whole time. from there, it felt like my mind went on autopilot. i paid for my things and left, never taking a moment to glance back. i left, hearing the jingles at the back of my mind.
i ended up back at my apartment somehow and locked myself in my bathroom. i placed the two bottles on the counter of the sink and raised my gaze to look at myself in the mirror.
i looked like i hadn't slept in weeks, bags hanging under my already tired eyes. my hair was pulled back in to a messy updo and i was dressed in a large oversized sweatshirt with questionable stains laying on it. i tore my eyes away from my wretched images and sat down on the floor.
i started thinking.
i thought about the late night fights my parents had at night. i thought about the start of my self-image problems. i thought about the start of my depression. i thought about the first time i tried to die. i thought about the endless therapy visits. i thought about my father leaving my family. i thought about meeting taehyung. i thought about our relationship. i thought about falling too fast and too hard. i thought about irene. i thought about taehyung and i's first fight. i thought about our problems. i thought about the way i depended on him too much. i thought about our breakup. i thought about the words he said to me. i thought about the way he left me for irene. i thought about my depression becoming too much to handle. i thought about how broken i was.s i thought about wanting to die.
i was sobbing.
i couldn't stop.
there was so much pain in my life.
it would hurt less if i just stopped.
"yeri!"
i jumped at the sudden voice. it was coming from outside the bathroom.
"yeri, open up, please."
jungkook.
why was he here?
"i know you're in there. yeri, please open the door."
i stared blankly at the door, still feeling the tears spill out of my eyes.
"n-no."
"yeri, you don't have to do this. please open the door." his voice cracked, and the knob turned frantically, but it was locked.
"i-i'm too broken to be saved. it's better this way, jungkook."
"yeri, i will break down this door if i need to. please."
i gazed up at the pill bottles on the counter. i looked back at the door. i stood up and picked up the pill bottle in my hand, watching my tears drop onto it and roll off. i twisted the lid and pulled out the small pill, studying it closely.
"i'm sorry."
"yeri!"
the door burst open and the pills are smacked out of my hands. the tears fall down my face quicker and i feel his warm arms wrap around me. i pushed at his chest, trying to get out of his grasp.
"w-why would you do that? i don't want to live anymore!" i cried, my sobs becoming harder.
he didn't let go and instead, pulled me closer, slowly rocking me.
"it's going to be okay, yerim. i'm here now, it's alright. i'm here."
i cried and cried and cried into his shirt, soaking it with my tears.
"you don't have to keep anything locked up anymore. let it all out. i'll be right here," he soothed as my sobs started to calm down. his grasp never loosened and i buried my face into his chest. i only whispered one thing before my vision started to fade.
"thank you."
