Her Story

3.

I saw my mom as a blur, my eyes began to shut. My arm hung off the side of my bed and I felt the blood running down as it warmed my arm.

I could feel the presence of more people inside of my bedroom. I heard the screams very faintly as my hearing started to go away. I felt my body being lifted as if I was floating.

The paramedics worked as fast as they could, they rushed the girl into the ambulance. The sirens were turned on and they rushed through the streets.

The bell had just rang and the school day was over. Like every other day I met up with Hannah underneath the tree in front of our middle school. As I walked up Hannah had a look on her face and I knew was going to ask a question

"Hey are you okay," she asked softly.

Do I tell her what's wrong? Maybe I should tell her, she is my best friend.

"Yes," I said giving a soft smile.

This was me now. Lying to my best friend and not feeling bad about it. I was only concerned about my feelings because I was almost certain no one cared about my existence. This may have been selfish for me to say because I lived a very good life.

I just had my own battles to fight........

It was Friday night and I was feeling really low. I felt ugly, worthless, freakish, and so many more things. The pain in my heart my hating myself so much wouldn't go away. I wanted to numb this pain. I made my way into the bathroom knowing there were pills in the cabinet. The pills were calling my name so I grabbed them and took them into my bedroom.

The clock read 8:13pm and by this time I had already swallowed about ten different pills. My eyes began to shut and then I heard my phone start to ring.

It rang and rang and rang until it went into a voicemail. Once it stopped ringing my eyes began to shut again. Then I heard my phone buzz

8:17

"Hey Alyssa, lets do something tonight ! I wanna get into some trouble and I can't without you"

I read the text at 8:19 and didn't reply. Throwing my phone against the wall headboard I began to shut my eyes. My eyes had been closed for awhile and it felt good. As I laid there I heard my phone ring. It had rang once before I forwarded the call. Then I fell asleep for a bit.

The buzzing of my phone had woken me up. I received a notification about a friend of mine posted a photo. I didn't care, as I went to put my phone down it began to ring. It was Hannah again. The phone rang twice before I forwarded the call.

I knew she'd be mad at me but she didn't know that the reason I was ignoring was because of the pills making me feel numb. Little did she know this was just the beginning.

After the phone had rang I couldn't fall back to asleep. I looked around my room and picked up a pen and paper because I wanted to start writing how I felt. As I began to write a strange feeling came over my body. This wasn't right.

I tried calling Hannah multiple times and she didn't answer. A few messages weren't sent but she didn't reply. Maybe this is the reason why I convinced myself that no cared about my existence. I threw my phone angrily because Hannah didn't pick up.

I rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door. Sitting next to the toilet, I shoved two fingers down my throat trying to regurgitate the pills. Saliva dripped on my fingertips as slow as molasses. With tears rolling down my face heavily I thought to myself

Is this my life now? Is this who I've become ?