He's gone

Leave

I wish I did hate you. I wish my heart didn't race every time I saw your name pop up on my screen. I wish my stomach didn't erupt with butterflies when we talked. I wish you'd go away. I wish you hadn't come back. I wish I could stay away, but I can't. As much as I want to, I really can't. If you could see me right now your supposed heart would break at the sight of me crying, wouldn't it? If I remember correctly that is what you said, isn't it? That it hurts to see me broken, well then if it hurts, you should really stay away. You should leave. I'm begging you to leave. You're toxic even if you don't see it. I love you and it kills me to admit it, but I do. Our love is toxic. Our desire for each other is poisonous. I will get down on my knees and beg you to please leave. You don't have the right to come back. I honoured your name, I stayed loyal to you, but it's killing me. I want you to leave. I will repeat the word over and over again until you are finally gone. You left me yet still held onto my essence, to my devotion, and my heart. Back then you left for good, now you come back for what, a week or a day or maybe until you move on? Not that you give a damn if you leave me in fucking ruins. It's funny that you're fine whilst here I am dying of the poison you're spreading, so, for the first time ever I get to leave. I want to leave and you should know the strength of that is hard to find. Yes, I know you can't see that I'm fed up with your crap, in fact, you shouldn't be trying to act innocent. I want you here, but you need to leave. I know that your stay, in spite of everything, is what I desire, however, it's nothing compared to what I need, which is you gone. One of us needs to leave the other soon because I love you, isn't that what you wanted to hear? Now that you've heard it, please leave. Just leave.