Lauren was distracted to say the least.
The girls were deep into rehearsals for their upcoming European tour but Lauren couldn't keep up and the girls were beginning to get frustrated. She knew the routines by heart, they had been practicing for the past three weeks, but after this morning she couldn't do much of anything. Her mind was stuck repeating the words her doctor had told her a few hours earlier.
She was pregnant. 9 weeks to be exact.
Lauren's mind was hysterical but on the outside she just looked out of touch with reality. She had barely spoken five words since leaving her doctors office with news that changed every single thing in her life. Lauren made the mistake of expecting to successfully go through the motions of rehearsal. It was proving to be impossible and Lauren felt a familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she dreaded. She had become accustomed to that feeling over the past two years. Her panic attacks were a frequent occurrence when she felt out of control of her life, which happened often being a part of the most successful girl group in the world.
"Why don't we just cut for the day and start fresh tomorrow, everybody go home, take a bubble bath and relax. We have it down anyway, we just gotta perfect it, girls!" Sean announced from the front of the mirrored room glancing at Lauren for any sign of life.
They were all concerned about her. It was not like her to completely cease from talking to everybody for a longer period of time like this.
"Yes! Mama needs a good bubble bath and maybe an In N Out cheeseburger." Dinah replied trying to lighten the mood. The girls lightly chuckled but it became awkward when once again Lauren didn't react. She was still sitting on the floor not moving and not entirely listening.
"Okay, you go do that, D. Remember call time tomorrow is midday. Please don't be late again, girls. Peace." Sean gathered his things and headed for the door, waving goodbye to the girls.
Lauren had to get out of there and fast. She felt the tears burning to come out but she fought it. She didn't have much fight left in her and she couldn't tell the girls yet, not now.
"Lauren, girl, are you okay? Did something happen? You haven't been yourself today." Normani asked out of concern.
Lauren snapped out of her trance, nodded at Normani and immediately stood up then began collecting her things before quickly exiting the room. The girls were left with heavy confusion at Laurens actions but they knew their friend well, and knew she sometimes needed time alone. She would come to them when she was ready.
---------------
Lauren laid on the couch in the living room of her quiet apartment lost in thought with tear tracks running down her cheeks. She silently wept at the hopeless feeling that consumed her.
She couldn't believe it. She had a child growing in her womb, her child. Becoming a mother had always felt so far away from her reality. Of course she wanted children one day, but not this soon, and definitely not like this. She had just turned twenty and was in no way, shape, or form equipped to be responsible for another human beings life.
Her doctor had given her options. It came down to abortion, adoption, or keeping it.
Lauren had always been a liberal thinker and a supporter of everything woman. She didn't expect to want to vomit at the thought of actually going through an abortion. She was surprised at how fast her rejection of that option came. Considering the circumstances, abortion was probably the best option for her. But she just couldn't do that, couldn't even entertain the thought. It hurt too much.
The text chime on her phone startled her from her thoughts. She glanced down at her phones spot on the coffee table and froze.
'Hey so I'm thinking of leaving here on Monday night that way I can arrive on Tuesday morning and you can pick me up. I miss you, baby'
"Shit." Lauren groaned. She couldn't do this yet. She had to figure things out before she started telling anyone.
'Need to reschedule something came up'
Immediately her phone began to ring. She quickly sent it to voicemail when not even ten seconds later it rang again. Lauren kept silencing it but the caller was not having it and insisting. She sighed before turning off her phone completely.
She would deal with that later. There were more important issues that needed solving in her life except exhaustion was washing over her. With the events of the day weighing heavy on her she craved the peace of sleep. She'd deal with it all when she woke up. For now she was going to let the darkness take her away.
