Hurt (Paul Lahote FanFiction)

Prt 2

4 years later

*Pauls PoV*

A lot has changed in four years. I barely recognise myself when I look in the mirror anymore, i fell empty and broken like the lights have been switched off inside me and I'm just a shell.

It doesn't matter what I do, how many flings i have or relationships I attempt they will never be her. It's like she took my soul with her when she left. The only kind of satisfaction I get is from ripping a leach to shreds, but since the Cullen's left it rarely happens anymore.

I have my brothers sure, but even they don't really understand. Sam, Quil, Jared even Jake, Leah and Embry have imprints, imprints that they get to be with every fucking day. They don't understand the constant pain I feel to be separated from her, to be rejected by her before I even had a chance to explain myself.

I always wonder if maybe it would have been easier if I wasn't already in love with her before all this wolf shit, if I don't already know what it felt like to kiss her or hold her in my arms.

I tried to talk to her after she left, I hoped I could convince her to come home to me. She ignored me for a few weeks before she changed her number all together and had no idea where she had actually moved to, all she told me was Texas. It's not like I could just knock on ever door in the whole state till I found the right one. I don't even know if she's still in Texas, at this point she could be in any state, in any country in the world.

Sam wouldn't have let me leave even if I did think I stood a chance of finding her. The first year and a half after the phase I had responsibilities here, with the newborns and Jake going MIA after Bella decided to marry sparkle boy, to be truthful I was just happy she wasn't anywhere near La Push to get caught up in it all.

The only thing stopping me from going insane and just letting the pain consume me till I'm no longer here, is that I know this is what she wanted, she wasn't taken from me and she's not dead, she just doesn't want me. I'm not saying that this makes it any easier to go on everyday but she's out there's somewhere, living and happy and that alone keeps the wolf inside me fulfilled enough to keep going even on the days that I don't want to.

I know Leah knows how she's doing, her mom is Sue's sister and Sue gets a call from her a few times a year with an update on her life and her daughters, but so far Olivia hasn't actually picked up the phone herself. Leah tells me what she knows but says she has no idea where she actually is, and believe me I've tried countless times to try and find it in her head, which by the way has resulted in several broken bones for me over the years.

I figure she'll probably come back some day, maybe just to visit or maybe to stay I don't know. Maybe I'll finally go insane and make one last ditch attempt to be with her, I could run across every state in the country if it means it can be with her at the end of it all.

I think about all the things she could be doing with her life now, she's graduated high school I know that for sure, did she become an EMT like she always wanted?, what does she do for fun now? Her days of bonfires on the beach and swimming in the ocean are probably over. What are her friends like? Does she have a boyfriend?

The latter makes me feel physically sick and makes my blood boil with rage so I try not to think about it too much but I obviously can't expect her to have never moved on from us even I had tried.

Wrapping a towel around my waist and stepping out of the shower I made my way over to the sink, using side of my hand to wipe away some of the fog on the mirror to take a look at myself. My hair could probably do with being cut and I should probably shave off the small amount of hair that seems to have invited it self onto my face over night, Then again why bother it's not like anyone that actually matters is gonna see me like this anyway.