Hurt (Paul Lahote FanFiction)

Prt 4

*Olivia's PoV*
Tears blurred my vision, my chest felt like it was going to implode in on itself as I ran the short distance back to my aunts house.

Running through the front door I didn't even stop to see if there was anyone home, making a bee line for the bedroom that once belonged to Leah. Slamming the door closed behind me letting my body slide down the hardwood barrier that now protected me for the outside world.

I though that crying over Paul Lahote was a thing of the past but the floods of tears that stained my cheeks and the haggard breaths filling the small room around me proved this wrong.

I felt drained, it's like I could still feel him all over me, worse like my own body was aching from it. I needed to shower to get rid of this skin crawling feeling. Dragging myself up from the floor I moved as fast as I could down the hall to the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror as seeing the face of the girl I was four years ago only made me feel angry, I was a mess, this was a part of myself I thought I had left behind, all the hurt I felt all those years ago I had justified to myself as naivety. It wasn't real love, I was a kid with an obsession over the first boy to ever show me any attention.

The vice like pressure continuously frowning in my chest only proved this theory wrong.  Every single thought or fantasy, every single memory I had ever had with him was rushing through my mind almost making me dizzy.

Turning the shower on and stripping my clothes off with shaking hands, i let the room full with stream before stepping under the water. It didn't matter how hard or how long I scrubbed my skin for the feeling never subsided, the warmth of the water surrounding me only made me think about him, about that kiss.

Never in my life have had a kiss like that, not even all the kisses me and Paul had shared in the past where anywhere near as amazing, no one has ever made me feel like that from just a kiss, I almost felt drunk, my mind just complete glazed over and there's was nothing but him, his hands, his lips, his scent invaded my body and it was like we were being pulled together not physically but on some other level completely.

Sitting on the ceramic floor of the shower for god knows how long, with the scene playing on repeat in my mind, I was like a fucking freight train had run me over when out of nowhere a completely different scene flashed through my brain, exactly 3 months ago when I agreed to marry the man that I love.

Ever since I moved to Texas I became somewhat of a recluse when it came to socialising and making friends, Mark was the only person I ever really let through that wall (mostly because he refused to give up). For the first two and a half years our relationship was the platonic kind, he became my best friend and the only person I could ever confide in, so by this token he knows exactly who Paul is and everything that happened between us, there was even one point when I had told him that I don't think anyone would ever replace Paul in my heart.

Unbeknown to me he was dead set on changing that, and to his credit he did. And for the last year and a half we had been dating, about four months into our newfound relationship I realise I was in love with him, he's kind, sweet, loving and understanding and there isn't much else I could ever want.

The thought of telling him what had happened almost made me vomit, I had no idea how he was going to react, would he be angry and call off our wedding, will he be so hurt that he wants nothing to do with me,is it just wishful thinking that maybe he will be understanding and forgive me. These were never questions I ever though I'd have to find out the answers to.

I know I can't keep this from him, I would just rip me apart inside, what confused me the most was how conflicted I was about what reaction I actually wanted, I love Mark I wouldn't have said I would marry him if I didn't but the feeling of emptiness creeping through my conscious at the though of never having Paul in my life made me feel like some kind of monster. I can't have them both, I can't want them both.

Turning off the shower and grabbing a towel from the hook, I wrapped it around my body and made my way back down the hall to my temporary safe house. Sitting on the edge of the bed I grabbed my phone. Scrolling through my contacts repeatedly stopped on two names (one of which I didn't even know if it still belonged to him but never had the courage to delete) before biting the bullet and dialling.

It rang three times before a head his voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

A/N it's been a while since I updated this and I know this chapter is short but I hope you guys like it and the next update will be much faster I promise