One time when I was in rehab, I was playing Scrabble with three other men. One of the men attempted to play the word 'doghole', and we all laughed at him. Well. I just discovered that 'doghole' is a legitimate word and has a Scrabble score of twelve.
What is this crap?! Why, here in the United States of America, the only nation in the world in which the people are allowed to VOTE, why, I ask you, are we not taught about dogholes in the public school system?! I'll bet that kids in Japan are diagraming dogholes by the second grade! How can we be expected to compete in the global workplace with our shameful ignorance of the doghole??
I'm sorry, strange man who's name I cannot remember. I'm sorry that we thought you the fool, when in fact it was the fools were we that. Oh yeah, his name was Charlie, and he told me a story from his childhood about how one time he was playing in the woods and stumbled across a young woman's decomposing body. Well, I guess it's just one of those things. Sometimes a kid finds a rotting corpse in the woods and is scarred forever, his hitherto innocent mind irreversibly stained with the stench of death.
You know, as a kid, I don't recall ever finding a dead body in the woods, but I did come across the occasional playboy now and then. It was sweet! My friend and I would hide them in the storm drains by the train tracks, enshrining them as precious idols upon which to focus our budding sexuality.
And, oh, for disambiguation; I am talking about wealthy single men, not the magazine. And come to think of it, one of them did perish during their imprisonment in the storm drains, so I guess I did sort of come across a dead body, but I also kind of was indirectly the cause of death, so I don't know if that counts(???).
THE END
