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The familiar feeling of the cold glass plate under his naked feet, the creaking sound when it carries his weight. . .
He can't look down. He doesn't dare to see how the numbers have risen. Once he does, all the emotions will come crashing at him in full force. The guilt. The shame. The disappointment. He's such a failure.
Looking in the mirror, his all-too-familiar-self stares back at him and he can see it, how his stomach bulges out more than it did before, how the fat on his thighs wobbles even when he stands still. All the calories from yesterday's dinner are saved on his body and he just wants to physically cut them off.
I can't even say no to dinner. He pinches the fat on his arms, his legs, his waist, eyes scrutinizing and searching for every damn flaw he can find. I shouldn't eat. I don't deserve to eat.
His mother has already left for work. A note hangs on the fridge, happily wishing him to 'have a nice day' and telling him that leftovers are inside. He grabs them, just to let his mother think that he has eaten them when she sees they're gone.
He doesn't even feel one bit of guilt when he throws them away in a garbage bin on his way to school. It makes him feel in control.
I'm not going to eat today.
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Jungkook quickly notices the change in Taehyung's mood when his partner sits down beside him without bothering to acknowledge him. Furrowing his brows, he eyes the blonde and notices the dark bags under his eyes. Didn't he go to sleep, like, 5 pm yesterday?
"Hey."
Taehyung finally looks at him, and his eyes look so dull and deprived of life that if Jungkook wasn't worried before, he sure as hell is now. He moves his gaze to Taehyung's shaky hands with nails that are dry and brittle and almost blue. He can feel the alarm bells ringing in his head.
"Did you sleep well last night?" As soon as the words leave his tongue, he wants to slap himself for his stupidity. Everyone with functioning eyes can clearly see that Taehyung hasn't slept. At all.
The blonde simply shrugs and returns to tapping on the desk, fidgeting in his chair like a snake that wants out of its skin.
"So, what's your favorite song?"
Taehyung blinks twice. "What?"
"I mean, I let you in on my sappy songs, right? So it's only fair that I get to know what kind of music you're into too."
Jungkook waits for him to tease about his music taste or complain about his sad songs or start to laugh or react with any form of excitement, even a hint of it, but Tae just shrugs,
"I don't really have a preference." And it's true. Someone could present Taehyung a thousand different genres and all he would feel is indifference. His tiredness seems to have numbed him from all his feelings. In the exact same scenario in a different dimension, he would probably be filled with glee at the thought of someone as handsome as Jungkook doing an effort in trying to be his partner.
But Taehyung no longer feels things he knows he should feel. All he wants is to go home, go to sleep and never have to eat again. Never have to look at food again.
And he wants Jungkook to stop bothering him.
But the dark-haired boy isn't going to leave him alone anytime soon.
"You kinda strikes me as the type of guy who pretends he listens to hip-hop to act tough in front of his friends. But considering you keep a diary, I can imagine you go home and listen to Adele or something. Or -" over-dramatic gasp, hand half-covering his mouth in pretend shock, "- you like Justin Bieber and you got really triggered when I said I hated him."
"Definitely." Emotionless.
"Want me to sing you a song?"
"Sure." Like a robot.
Jungkook smirks. "A serenade?"
And there it is. Red roses grow on the apples of Taehyung's cheeks and his Adam's apple becomes more prominent as he gulps nervously.
Jungkook's smirk widens at the reaction. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Me singing for you, calling you baby."
"I w-would not." His stutters ruin the chance of sounding convincing.
The other leans closer, resting his head in his hand. His brown eyes are intensely watching the blonde. "You would," he states like it's a fact. "Submissive people like to be taken care of. To feel loved, baby."
Taehyung nearly chokes. Hundreds of different thoughts swirl through his head and weirdly enough do none of them relate to his personal problems. "I-I'm not your baby."
"Never say never," Jungkook winks.
The blonde groans and shoots a glance at the clock. Then, his eyes move to the front of the class, only to realize that their teacher still is absent. "Why did she have to be late today, of all days?" He mumbles mostly to himself.
"What do you mean?"
"The class has started and the teacher isn't here."
"I'm confident Mrs. Park will be here soon. Mark my words."
Taehyung shoots him an aggravated look. "Now you're just listing his song titles."
"Hah! I knew you liked him," Jungkook exclaims and raises his hand in victory, to which the blonde groans so loudly one would think he was in physical pain.
The other, enjoying the reactions he's getting, enjoying how he is able to take Taehyung's mind off what's bothering him, continues,
"Need some cold water to cool you down?"
"I'm gonna start ignoring you."
"Is it too late?"
"What?"
"So that's how long you're able to resist me. Exactly two seconds. Well done, baby."
"You're an ass."
"Sorry." Baby.
Taehyung simply stares at him. For a moment, he thinks that Jungkook's apology actually is genuine, before the dark-haired boy cracks another one of his infamous smirks.
"Or is it too late now to say sorry?"
Just then, Mrs. Park enters the room and the whole class falls silent, including the two boys in the back of the classroom. As she starts to apologize for being late, Jungkook views Taehyung in the corner of his eye, and he swears he can see his partner smile.
It's a real smile, and it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen.
