hold me, sunrise. [little talks spin-off]

4 // uncle allen saves the day

I called up Uncle Al at about four in the morning.

Me: Hey, Uncle Al?

Uncle: Hey there, kiddo!

Me: How've you been?

Uncle: Great! House seems so empty without you here. Glad your mom is back though.

Me: Me too. Totally. It was all that I wished and more.

Uncle: Oh, I'm sure. How's school going?

Me: Some bitch spread a rumor that I groped this girl Nina's left boob in the principal's office.

Uncle: Do I... want to know?

Me: Probably not.

Uncle: Carry on, kid.

Me: But I didn't grope it, I just walked into it!

Uncle: I've heard that one before, Em.

Me: It suffocated me.

Uncle: Well, uh, how was it?

Me: Soft? Why are you asking me? Don't you know what boobs feel like?

Uncle: I've been single for many years, Em.

Me: Real mature.

Uncle: So you were saying?

Me: Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian now! 

Uncle: Are you?

Me: ...

Uncle: Like, how did her left boob make you feel?

Me: Akward.

Uncle: Yep. We've got ourselves a bonafide lesbian over here. 

Me: Today Mom told me that homos will burn in hell.

Uncle: I hear it gets warmer than Florida down there.

Me: Yeah... I don't know, like, her boob was just there. And it suffocated me. And yeah, it was a nice boob. What does that matter? Every girl checks out other girls' boobs. Right?

Uncle: You're asking the wrong person.

Me: Oh yeah, I'll just go down to the living room and say "Hey Mom, ever looked at some tits?" and get sent to bible camp again.

Uncle: I thought they banned you?

Me: Whoops. Forgot about that. Wonder if they still have the charred table.

Uncle: Silly Christians, fire is for adults!

Me: Good times. Thanks for answering, Uncle Al.

Uncle: Anytime, kid. I applaud you for remembering that I drown my sorrows, every tuesday at four in the morning. You're the studious sort.

Me: Night Al! Please don't tell my mom that I think boobs are sort of, well, cool to look at.

Uncle: Your secret is safe with me. Cross my heart. Hope to -

Me: Don't die.

Uncle: Will do.

Me: Night!

Uncle: See ya on the flip side, kid. 

So then I hung up.